Many of us have been well trained in hiding or closing our Hearts to cover up our hurt. With the recent passing of Father’s Day in the UK last month and Mary Magdalene’s Feast Day on the 22nd July, there’s never been a time like now to look at the energy frequencies of the asteroid Chiron the Wounded Healer, and the silent, invisible wounds that will not heal.
Whether the wounds of the Magdalene or the invisible wounds of Abandonment, Betrayal, Rejection or Injustice that we carry, something bigger needs to be talked about. Look beyond the following words. There is a thorn in the side and bleeding Hearts of many, bleeding from a wound that just like Chiron’s, will not heal.
So Love’s healing message from the Black Rose this month is this:
A silent invisible wound that will not heal is calling to be looked at.
2020 and 2021 have given all of us some reality checks and for some, there have been some real hard lessons to learn too.
What is the silent, invisible wound that you carry that will not heal?
What is the silent, invisible wound you carry but are not aware of?
What is the silent, invisible wound you carry but do not want to look at?
What is the silent, invisible wound you carry but do not know how to heal?
The Black Rose holds the frequency of Chiron. In 2021 Chiron has the power and potential to heal us and restore us to wholeness when we understand the myth.
Wherever there is an invisible unhealed wound within ourselves, we carry the potential to continue to wound ourselves as well as others.
We are moving through a collective transition in more ways than one and this message may be a difficult one to hear and embrace. It’s not an unpleasant message and may be of great value to some. The Black Rose brings tough Love too. Chiron had been poisoned with a wound that was incurable, until he learnt acceptance of his own condition.
Our Hearts Bleed
Whilst the following may be controversial subjects for some I will not shy away from raising them. They are the Father Wound, the deep, unhealed ancestral wound of Black People and lest we forget, the silent wound of debilitating invisible diseases that many carry.
Before I share Love’s healing message, for those who have recently signed up to receive these Love Letters if you don’t know already, these Love Letters are a Gateway in service for healing, deeper insights and transformation. Whilst this particular letter appears long, it is for those who are ready to take responsibility and do the deeper work.
Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist. Nor an expert on racism, slavery, or the deep ancestral trauma of white supremacy that many black people carry.
Some may say, who am I to talk about the unhealed trauma and ancestral wound of Black people? I say, who am I not to? I see those deep wounds that will not heal until black, white, whatever can sit with one another and have those conversations.
Through my own Heart healing journey I am well–versed and an expert in living with invisible illness and diving into my own shadow to heal my own silent, invisible wounds and distorted thinking patterns.
Through illness I am now one who can see in the dark. I can “feel” and “see” others pain. Yet parts of this Love Letter were hard to write because there is still that old pattern that rises occasionally of not wanting to offend with something I may innocently say, even knowing that as a friend once said, offence cannot be given, it can only be taken.
And that’s what can keep many silent because they do not know how to deal with the indignant, righteous rage and abusive comments of another.
They do not know how to deal with the projections of others who try to blame, shame and guilt trip them because the other will not take responsibility for their own healing or doesn’t know how too. Just like Chiron, their wound bleeds out onto others and will not heal until they take responsibility for it.
A fear of not saying the right thing, saying the wrong thing, saying something in an incorrect or imperfect way, and a fear of being aggressively criticised and verbally abused keeps them blocked from speaking up. So they remain silent and say nothing at all:
UNTIL THEY LEARN NOT TO TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY
So when that old pattern arises within me even if only for a few seconds, I hear Her words. “Know who you are….remember who you are…remember why you are here”…..I am reminded.
I remember….I am the void, I AM the Black Rose embodied who will no longer shy away from conflict and confrontation from another’s rage or disapproval and will no longer be burned in the flames of another’s harsh words or deeds.
We are all responsible for our own words, thoughts and deeds. Our actions do not cause the re-actions in another no more than another’s actions cause re-actions in us. Reactions come from our unhealed wounds being triggered.
What I share here is based on my own observations, experience of life lived and what I have researched and read to know more. I want to understand the pain that will not heal, for until we understand it, healing cannot take place.
The Wounds that will not Heal
The pain that will not heal within a lot of us is the unhealed Father Wound that has affected our relationships. We see this playing out on the world stage at the moment within the Royal family.
The unhealed father wound in women can cause anger and rage at men. It can also contribute to a fear of being abandoned. We can also end up attracting men who carry a father wound and have unhealed issues of their own with their own father.
I will also touch on the unhealed wound within Black people of White Supremacy and the belief that white people are a superior race.
Listen. I will reiterate again. I am no expert on racism or the deep ancestral trauma many black people carry.
I do feel however if I am committed to being of service to the whole and bringing awareness to our wounding, then I have a duty to the work that’s needed for the collective healing and liberation of the world. In one way or another we all have a responsibility to raise issues no matter how uncomfortable, cringe worthy, or difficult they may seem.
It reminds me of the myth of Demeter and Persephone – Hecate heard Persephone’s cries but “saw nothing”….how many of us know what’s happening but “turn a blind eye”?
One small voice am I. Yet if I am to label myself as a Healer of Wounds, (which I don’t), then I have to take some personal responsibility to say something about WHAT I SEE HAPPENING….
And so do others that label themselves as “Light Workers” focusing on the “Love and Light” whilst spiritually by-passing the deeper wounds and issues of society. No judgement intended – just observation.
Healing is possible with any trauma, yet it is only possible when we do the deep, inner work….and healing does not necessarily mean curing.
The Father Wound
To speak of the father wound is not about blaming our fathers as like our mothers, they did the best they could with the level of awareness they had at the time and their own upbringing.
The Mother Wound has been highlighted and talked about extensively, whilst the Father Wound seems to have been ignored and least recognised. Yet it is a wound that affects black and white, men and women.
We hear of how the Mother Wound affects the well-being of our sons and daughters. With marriages and divorce on the rise, how does the Father Wound affect men and women in their relationships?
A father wound is a term used about a father being absent, whether that is physical, emotional or both. It can include a father being very critical and/or even abusive.
Our healing journey begins as soon as we share our pain, the very thing that ails us. Yet that is only part of it. The feelings that arise and accompany the telling of our story must be fully acknowledged. ALL of them, the good and the bad.
I did not recognise my own unhealed father wound until I was in my fifties and after my dad died. As daughters, our fathers teach us what type of men we attract in our lives.
Feeling criticized and feeling the wrath of my dad’s disapproval and living in fear of him was my deepest wound. I was brought up in an era with the threat from my mother, “you just wait until your dad gets home”…..
I never realised that I had a Father Wound until I did the inner work and understood why I kept attracting controlling, authoritarian, critical, disapproving and emotionally unavailable men in my life whom I kept trying to please and seek approval from.
Unconsciously I was trying to heal my own father wound through marriage and stayed in an abusive, dysfunctional marriage and following relationships as I kept trying to heal the wound. Unconsciously I was forever seeking approval, whilst never receiving it from “out there”.
In my old age now, my Heart bleeds and breaks to see that a lot of men do not know how to Love a woman….and a lot of women do not know how to receive and be Loved by a man. I see the gaping hole in my own life from that silent, invisible wound that could not heal.
I see men who do not know how to be men. Young men now appear to be growing up in society not knowing how to be husbands, let alone fathers.
A Letter to my Father
What of the sacred fathers? We see in society boys (and girls) being brought up in one parent families without a father. The truth is men are lost souls and broken too – and they are passing on that “brokenness” to their sons and daughters.
There are men who do not respect and properly treat women because they have never had a role model or been taught it by their fathers.
I see the father wound play out in the lives of my sons too.
I see that father wound play out in society with children committing suicide. There are those that have behavioural problems and anger issues too. Some go on to commit rape. I see the father wound playing out in fatherless gangs. Then there are those that end up in prison for crimes fuelled by addictions….
I see what happens to them because their fathers have not been around.
I see how men hide their rage, how their anger and rage is misplaced.
I see how the father wound can manifest as rejection for men too as they feel unseen, unheard, unloved and not wanted. That can get carried into adult life as isolation.
I see how anxiety and depression plays out in their life because they have internalised their anger into self hatred.
I see how it has affected their romantic relationships or lack thereof.
I see how it has affected their physical, emotional and mental health.
I see how addiction to alcohol stems from an unhealed father wound.
Many sons never had a dad to praise them, to say he was proud of them, tell them they are worthy, that they are good enough, Loved and belong. As a mum I tried to fill that gaping hole left with my own sons but of course I cannot and could not be a father to them.
We hear a lot about domestic violence by men on women whilst the violence on men goes on unrecognised. Women are on the receiving end of these men who have unhealed father wounds of their own, and men can also be on the receiving end of an unhealed father wound within women as the unhealed wound plays out in marriages and relationships.
Anyone, man or woman who has felt their father was not a dad by their absence, on some level has suffered a father wound.
Can we be willing to heal our Father Wound?
Perhaps you live in shame and silence of your invisible wounds that won’t heal. Have you the courage to look at your wounds and those of your fathers?
What is your wound from the father? Rejection, abandonment, betrayal, injustice? Name it.
To heal the energy of a father wound it might help to name the perceived and real injustices too.
Can we look at and try to understand our own father’s upbringing? Was he brought up in the war years or in an era where it was “normal” to discipline children in cruel ways with a belt or clout?
Is it possible he never got a chance to heal his wounds so had to live with them in silence and shame and so “acted out” from his own wounding?
We are so much more than our wounds and we have one thing in common with our fathers and our mothers too.
Without condoning abuse and abusive behaviour of any kind, perhaps in time can we come to a place of acceptance that our father and mothers were wounded too? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps the wound is too deep and painful to look at for some and will remain unhealed until they are ready to deal with it.
I am feeling such a forceful rage coming through me as I write this. Yet it is not my rage, or is it?
As a white woman I consider myself very privileged and very blessed to have a black woman in my life that I can call a true friend.
As a white woman, I feel very privileged and very blessed to have sat in Circle with Black Women.
OBSERVATION: What I have seen happening out there in society is that the Black Lives Matter movement has brought many deep rooted emotions to the surface and reopened a deep, ancestral, ancient wound for black people from many, many centuries of trauma.
What about that pain and unhealed ancestral trauma carried by black people? Where can they find the support and who can they trust to share their painful story with?
I know many experience anxiety and powerlessness as they see and experience racial inequalities and injustices on a daily basis. That trauma and wound will remain unhealed until it is addressed by ALL of us and we change the way we think about it.
Chiron has a story to tell and a wound to heal.
Chiron shows us where we have been wounded though no fault of our own. We can heal a wound but we can be left with a scar, a reminder of what we went through, what we live/lived through, but it does not have to define who we are.
Changing the way we think about something does not undermine or minimise our feelings or what we experience.
That wound of Injustice that sits in the Throat Chakra and prevents us speaking up and having a voice?
I’ve been into the Well of Grief and Loss and I survived to tell the tale.
Through rheumatoid arthritis I learnt there is a big difference between healing something and curing it. We all have to carry on with our lives and with our own internalised experiences even when we have healed the wound that was through no fault of our own.
There have been many times in my life where I complained that things weren’t fair, that others had “wronged” me.
The truth is I had unconsciously victimized myself to avoid taking responsibility. That’s what victims do….blame others to avoid taking responsibility to look within themselves. I kept telling my story and no-one was listening.
IF WE WANT TO ACCESS OUR OWN PERSONAL POWER, WE HAVE TO STOP BEING A VICTIM
Our hostile, suppressed rage and anger blocks and prevents us from addressing the things that need healing.
I was brought to my knees with a debilitating invisible disease yet becoming ill in 2010 had its blessings. I had to accept my condition before I could find the power within the powerlessness of it all.
Whilst I can write long blogs, (which by the way can take several weeks to write), have long phone conversations and “look well”, it does not mean that I am well. It’s complicated.
That’s what chronic, silent, invisible illnesses are…complicated. I can no longer do the things or have a quality of life able bodied people take for granted and I am exhausted with fatigue and painful, disfigured joints on a daily basis. Yet in the small windows of respite within a day I have, I do what I can, when I can.
And because many auto-immune diseases and chronic illnesses are just that –INVISIBLE wounds of diseases that will not heal, many of us are ostracized by friends and family. We look well. We sound ok.
By 2013 when I found my wound of Injustice that hid my own father wound, it was a light bulb moment. My constant moaning and complaining about the Injustices “done to me” and in the world did not resolve the problem and make things just.
What illness, disease and core wounds have taught me is that we cannot create positive change in our lives with distorted beliefs. Our mindset and distorted beliefs are a silent killer and invisible wound too –they are what we have to conquer. When we conquer that we can heal, survive and thrive.
I had to understand and challenge my emotional responses to people and situations so I could challenge my own feelings that were created by my own distorted thinking and beliefs that disempowered me.
Living with a chronic invisible disease on a daily basis whilst accepting anything is possible, I also accept what is and that all is well.
I have often heard lightworkers say “people who are sick are of a low vibration”….
“When we keep our vibration high we don’t get sick”….
“They created their illness by what they think”…..
Many will have their own opinions and “remedies” for a “cure” that although well intended, come from a lack of understanding of chronic, invisible illness and misplaced ignorance.
To all those that minimise, deny or can’t accept the daily struggles of those of us that are sick, I say this:
It is terribly lonely for anyone who lives with chronic illness. Our quality of life and mobility in some cases has been diminished considerably. So you know nothing until you have walked in the shoes of the chronically ill with invisible diseases.
Over the years I have been asked, how can you say rheumatoid is your friend? How can you say illness is a gift? To them I say this:
Whether we like it or not, believe it or not, EVERYTHING is an expression of the Divine in its many forms. If I don’t Love what is, then I am in resistance to it. When I am in resistance, I am powerless.
In 2013 when I wrote The Importance of Healing Core Wounds and how I had been brought to my knees by sickness, it wasn’t until I surrendered to it that my body and the illness started to reveal its secrets and mysteries.
In the years that followed I was brought to my knees again “in reverence of the Black Rose”…. I have earned my compassion for all beings, for I was woken up by being burned in the sacred holy fires of a living hell.
Whatever your wound, may you be blessed by Chiron, the Wounded Healer and the Black Rose.
If you have resonated with anything in this Love Letter and have something to say, please leave a comment or share the link to the page if you know of others that could benefit from it.
In Love, Grace and Service,