A huge shift is taking place and the energies are potent and powerful. The energies feel different. We feel different. We are acting different. Change is happening in our lives. Friendships are being pulled apart and ending. Even long term ones, as some are disconnecting and moving on with what no longer resonates or aligns for them.
Things are being detoxed and cleaned up. Internal perspectives are shifting. Over the past two years we have had the opportunity for discovering and rediscovering who we really are. We have had time to reflect and re-evaluate our priorities, who we want in our lives and where we want to put our attention and energy. A veil is about to be lifted and removed.
There are some who cannot go with us to the next chapter of our life. If our intuition says leave, we must leave. The thing is, intuitively, once we see something we cannot un-see it. And when we lift a burden from our own shoulders, collectively we lift it for Humanity.
So Love’s healing message this month from the Black Rose is this:
Is it time to say goodbye?
If so, what are the difficult conversations we do not want to have?
The energies around the Equinox here in the Northern hemisphere provided an opportunity for a reset and for the light and dark energies to come into balance.
We are all on our own timeline so anything unaligned must go and leave our lives. We have to be ourselves and we need to trust the energies that are playing out right now without taking any conflict or separation personally.
Many are talking about “Love and Light” being the solution. The thing is, if we spend too much time in the clouds, like the Fall of Icarus who flew too close to the sun, we may miss the potential pitfalls within ourselves that can limit our growth.
Last month I spoke about Divine Intervention and Temperance. Little did I realise at the time the Mother of Karma was to follow….
I must admit I feel uncomfortable at times at what I am being asked to deliver, yet deliver it I must. I trust my intuition on this one, even if I stand alone and am a lone voice to unveil the deeper layers to uncover our personal and collective shadow and embody the Light within.
From my own personal experiences in the past and something that has happened for me recently, I have had to dig deep with this one and share without intended judgement or criticism – just observation.
We see an inherited trauma playing out in the world at the moment and people are picking sides of “War or Peace”. That inherited trauma is playing itself out on many levels within us too as we now have a choice to move out of conflict and toxic energy towards peace.
Some are called to go into conflict and toxic energy to bring peace.
In my humble observations, we appear to live in a time where society only wants to see the Love and Light in everything and ignore what conflict is trying to teach us about ourselves. We have been led to believe we must ascend beyond the struggles and chaos of life and only focus on the positive.
The problem I have with the New Age perspective of “Love and Light” and “the power of Love will heal everything”, “focus only on the positive”, “good vibes only” is I am noticing something in the wider community which is not healthy – the denial of what is and spiritual bypassing.
Bypassing is escapism. It can be seen as avoiding conversations that make us feel uncomfortable. Not being in the here and now and spending too much time in the higher realms. Avoiding reality and ignoring what is happening in the real world. Avoiding the “negative” and being overly positive – not giving anything any energy unless it is “high vibe”…and so on.
Spiritually bypassing our emotions can make us delusional in that if we believe just focus on Love and Light our inner self and the world will be healed.
Toxic positivity enables us to avoid feeling emotions that may be painful. It also denies us the opportunity to face those difficult feelings that can lead us to growth and deeper insight.
Many are seeking the Light finding the peace, joy, healing and Love whilst rejecting, detaching and avoiding the pain, the drama, the conflict and chaos of life.
Our “pain body” teaches us a lot. To shame or dismiss our own or another’s pain and trauma as being “low vibration” or to believe we are detached and raising above what is happening in the world so we don’t have to feel it, is darkness in denial.
Is distancing, detachment and avoidance now the new norm?
I will use friendship as an example. We are given opportunities in our friendships and relationships to master our emotional triggers and unlock our hidden potential when we do our shadow work.
When a friendship disintegrates, it can involve distancing ourselves from a person that we once considered close. Usually there is a trigger that sets things in motion.
Rather than having an honest conversation, some may consider distancing from a friend without saying anything is being a nice thing to do so they can avoid conflict.
We think we can slip away silently without considering our distancing and silence can leave another with unanswered questions and painful feelings to deal with if we have not told them why. Although we are not responsible for another’s feelings, we are responsible for our own words, deeds and actions.
We may distance ourselves from someone for a variety of reasons – abuse of any kind is not ok. Maybe our feelings were hurt in some way, we are struggling with anxiety or we are in a toxic situation but we didn’t say anything or didn’t want to have a difficult conversation.
Can we be honest, open and direct with a friend?
Have we considered that distancing ourselves without saying anything, ignoring someone, stonewalling, ghosting or using silent treatment can be passive rejection or manipulative narcissistic behaviour? Perhaps we have not thought about it or aren’t bothered.
For some, our knee-jerk reaction to feeling uncomfortable is to avoid and reject the other by ghosting or distancing ourselves from them without any explanation. I will confess this was unconscious behaviour I used in the past as a coping mechanism before any sense of self awareness of the consequences or impact of my actions on another.
At the time through unawareness I did not have any thought for another’s feelings (or my own) and avoiding them was an easy preference over honesty and integrity. I did not realise I was using passive rejection that was a reflection of my own emotional immaturity and wounding at the time.
Actions speak louder than words. Distancing for some without having an honest conversation with someone gives them permission to not have to deal with the repercussions of their decision.
In rejecting another, I realised I was rejecting myself. It kept me trapped in the illusion of separation. When I found the wound within myself I had to turn it around so I did not keep repeating the same old pattern.
I had to look at how many times I had rejected and distanced myself and my own needs that kept me out in the cold.
I had to look at where I had rejected and dismissed parts of myself that to me were unacceptable.
And the big one…how many times had I rejected, dismissed and distanced myself from my own feelings and intuition?
The way for me to change the energy of this rejection and distancing pattern was to face and own that shadow aspect and belief within myself and vow to never reject or distance myself from me again. In doing so, I would not need to keep attracting it.
What are friendships and relationships teaching us?
Regarding friendships and relationships, distancing, ghosting, avoiding, rejection, abandonment and silent treatment appear to be the norm and acceptable in our society as it is much easier to ghost or avoid someone by not replying, cutting short a call, or avoiding facing them.
Have we ever stopped to consider ghosting someone or using silence is considered cruel, hurtful, passive aggressive and abusive behaviour?
It denies the person on the receiving end the closure they need to understand why the relationship/friendship ended and they can go through a wave of emotions and be left mourning that particular friendship/relationship for a long time.
Eight years ago I had two best friends and I was part of a group of three. The friendship ended when I found something out. It came out of the blue and I was unprepared for it. It broke my Heart. It did more than that. It affected my physical health too.
Whether a relationship or friendship, if and when the time comes that it is no longer working and we want to bring it to an end or want more space, most of us would expect, or would like, a proper discussion so we know where we stand and are not second guessing.
Anyone who can cut ties with us without a proper conversation says more about them than it does us. In my humble opinion it shows a lack of honesty, integrity, transparency and accountability when someone chooses to ignore us. Lack of awareness or deliberate behaviour to punish someone with silent treatment can wound others when we are being non communicative.
Having been on the receiving end of passive rejection, silent treatment, distancing and avoidance by friends and in relationships in the past, as we all have, out of kindness and respect I have recently had to communicate with someone and have that “difficult conversation” as the truth was being illuminated and something was going on that was not right.
If we need to end something with someone, bring a friendship to a close, or remove ourselves from toxic energy, have we the courage to have that difficult conversation before we “slip away” or distance ourselves?
If we ourselves can be respectful, truthful and authentic, in honesty and integrity and empathic communication with them and say something like, “This isn’t working for me anymore, I need space, or I need to move on”, “I’m grateful for the memories we created”, at least the energy is in alignment with respect and integrity even if we are no longer in alignment with the other.
Bypassing the Shadow
Relationships and friendships can be challenging when we are facing the shadow within.
I have observed over the years as I continually look at the dance of my own shadow, the times where I had an over inflated ego and the times when I wallowed in self pity. The times when I blamed others or made excuses and the times I was too understanding and unconsciously betraying, rejecting and lying to myself.
I remember the times when I overestimated my spiritual progress. I remember the times when “I flew too close to the Sun and the wax in my wings melted and brought me back to Earth with a thump and bruised my ego”.
From childhood I learnt to suppress my emotions and bypass them as a survival strategy until in 2010 my body said, no more!
I have observed the times when I believed I had so much Love and compassion for myself and others that my Heart could not be wounded.
Discomfort, pain and conflict are part of our human experience. If we try to spiritually bypass and avoid those uncomfortable feelings by using spiritual practices or toxic positivity and act as if everything is good all the time, we could be avoiding unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and dysfunctional patterns of behaviour that stunt our growth.
Let us hold the conflict, the chaos, the pain and discomfort in LOVE and compassion to transform it. Feel it, without unconsciously avoiding or spiritually bypassing it.
Loyalty in Friendship
We can have many friends in a lifetime, but how many can we call true, loyal, genuine friends? I would like to think that I am a loyal, genuine and respectful friend, there to support someone in what way I can when they are in need. I feel truly blessed in that I can say I have a few loyal, honest friends in my life who are there to support me when I am in need too.
A few weeks ago I lost one of my long time male friends to a pulmonary embolism. Peter and I had been lovers and partners and then companions for over thirty years. I’ve been thinking since his death what made him a good friend and it was his loyalty and “being there” for me in an emergency.
Peter was an old school gentleman, courteous and honourable. He was my “chauffer” for the past twelve years, taking me out and about and to hospital appointments I could not travel to on my own. Peter remained loyal even through my health challenges.
I was also loyal to Peter as he has always been there for me. We were like chalk and cheese and after I moved away from him two years ago because I could not deal with the toxicity between us at the time, he would still check in from time to time to see how I was.
Over the years like many of us we find out who our true friends are by their actions. For me, there is nothing like having a loyal, true friend who has your back and on whom you can truly depend. I lost my best friend of thirty years. I will not spiritually bypass or minimize my grief by dismissing or covering it with positive thinking.
The truth is, a loss is never a loss, it’s a lesson. I read somewhere once that grief is LOVE that has nowhere to go. (Apologies to the author as I do not know your name to give you credit!) I can appreciate the loss, the grief and the pain for it’s a blessing.
I have learnt to say goodbye to people who do not care, so I can spend my time and energy with those that do.
On a personal note, I would like to say THANK YOU to my friends who have reached out to me in my time of grief. It means a lot. I am holding my grief in LOVE without denying or bypassing it to transforming it.
I would also like to thank all of you for your support who continue to receive Love’s healing messages and for your blog comments. Although I have never met many of you face to face, I am humbled by your appreciation of me and my work.
If you have been touched, triggered or have something to say about this article, please feel free to comment!
In Love, Grace and Service,