In these evolutionary times of a new age and a new frequency…the time now is the age of opening the heart so that we can live at a higher frequency of Love, wisdom, co-operation, peace and harmony.
You may have heard the call of your soul that knows you need to be doing something for the greater good of humanity, yet somehow, something within you seems to be holding you back – yet you are not quite sure what it is. We are all being given the possibility now to make massive changes to our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being, as well as being able to create a positive vision that our dreams can come true. 2013 is a great opportunity to transform ourselves, as each and every one of us now is being called to heal the Core Wounds of the heart. It is imperative now that we all come out from hiding behind our masks so we can claim and receive the blessings and gifts from Source.
We are living in a very potent time now, and many of us have had very difficult experiences to deal with over the past few years. In this new age of Aquarius that we are in and for those who have chosen to align with these new frequencies, we are definitely in a different reality as we start to change our perspective on things. The old Piscean paradigm is gone and there is no going back to the old ways. So now…are you showing the way for others or are you BEING the way – there is a difference.
My own personal journey of healing a Core Wound enables me to offer loving service from the heart to assist you to remember who you truly are. I hold a vision where I see all humanity with healed hearts and healed minds and the world is at peace. Will it happen in my lifetime? May be…or maybe not. It is not an impossible task, but it does require every man, woman and child to play their part in it. For until we resolve the issues that we took on through our past experiences, our multi-dimensional self cannot fully blossom. It is time for us all now to peel back the veil of illusion and take off the lies and masks that we are hiding behind so that we can put on the gift that Source has provided us with.
I always trust that there is an over lighting divine power that wants to bring forth the information that it wants us to know – or at least, to give us the signposts and directions to head in if we so choose. Due to events and synchronicities that have shown up recently, I feel that time is now…
I am passionate about sharing and I have made the shift to BE the change in the world, so the question is, “Are you living your life’s calling? If not, why not? You may relate to parts of this article and some of it you may not. Yes, this is a very long article…however the aim is to provide the tools and an example to reach those who genuinely want to learn how to heal their childhood wounds and reclaim their innocence and true self.
I have chosen to drop the label of “healer”, for the healer already resides within you – I am just a catalyst or “opener of doors” to assist you and empower you in your own healing journey to remembering who you are. In writing this article I share how you can tell if you have an unhealed Core Wound running your life (which most of us have), and I also offer a process of healing core wounds, dealing with the emotions that may arise, a collective responsibility we all have to repair the guilt and shame within ourselves and the importance now of healing the Throat Chakra.
This article has the potential to enhance your life and you…the unique individual that you are. It is designed to help you grow and help you understand where you might be…and help you to move on. Wherever you are in life right now, you created it – ALL of it. We all have the potential now to bring in peace…understanding and balance…and the potential to bring in more Light. It is up to you to decide for yourself in what the information contained here is energetically telling you. You may want to read it from beginning to end…or you may prefer to scroll through it and stop at what you feel drawn to. Trust that wherever you pause, your Higher Self is drawing you to something it wants you to know right now…
How Awake Are You?
At the age of 56 I woke up to the long term trauma that had racked most of my life by contracting rheumatoid arthritis. Having worked with the subconscious mind over many years as a Practitioner and public speaker at MBS Events, often with clients who were looking for the deeper meaning of their emotional “baggage”, I already knew of the connection between the subconscious and our emotions.
Healing Core Wounds is not about changing ourselves, it is about ACCEPTING ourselves. We are living in times now where our shadow selves, the parts we have kept hidden, are coming forward to be seen and acknowledged. Regardless of what path those hidden parts of us manifest, whether through stress, illness, disease, struggle, emotional pain or loss, the parts we do not accept about ourselves will show up over and over again for us to look at. Why? Because the reason we are here is to experience life through expansion and self growth so we can move into the acceptance and owning of our true self. Perhaps you may be harbouring thoughts of self doubt or how others see you, or maybe you have doubts about your personal relationships, yet what we see on the outside of us is always a reflection of what is happening on the inside. Mother Earth is going through her own cleansing process to purify the shadows that she herself carries in her own consciousness. If we are not aware of our own shadows, we will most certainly attract them in others.
It is easy to see what we do not like in another and protest that we are nothing like them. Stop and think about that for a moment, could the conflict be mirroring back to you an aspect of you that you have not acknowledged or accepted yet? What about anger, fear or anxiety you see in others? Where have you not owned your own anger, fear or anxiety? We see the shadow of the world through wars, violence and crimes against humanity, whilst it continues to wreak havoc in our own lives through pain and fear. Our shadow self will keep us in victim consciousness and our role now is to reclaim our true selves as creators.
This type of soul work and self reflection can never be skipped or rushed. It may be best to approach this by reading it slowly, a little at a time, so you can process and integrate the information. That is not intended to be patronizing, healing Core Wounds is not an intellectual process in the head so they can never be healed with the mind. Although this article appears as an intellectual process and there is a lot in it, it is really important as to how you feel about the subject matter. There is so much intellectual information flying around at the moment and whilst some things may be just perfect for you and arrive at the right time, there are things that are just not meant for you. Maybe you do not want to read about my personal story, preferring to skip to the process itself at the end…whatever you choose feel into this article, because it is all about feeling the feelings. What feels true for you? What does it bring up for you? Anxiety? Fear? Irritation? Judgement? Anger? Resentment? Sarcasm? Boredom? Lack of interest? Or an Ah! Ha! Moment?
Mental, Emotional, Physical Pain is a Wake-Up Call
I believe that everyone holds a key – the key to their own wounded heart. The lock may be old and rusty due to a life time of hurts, yet with a bit of tender loving care, thrown in with some compassion and forgiveness for self – the key that will open the wounded heart is self Love.
To answer the call and make changes, we have to find the courage to move out of our own woundedness or seek the help for ourselves if needed. Healing our Core Wounds is about getting down and into our “core issues”, that is, the situations in our lives which have caused us, or are causing us now, our greatest pain. We all judge everything through the filter of our past experiences, yet it is this distorted view on life that causes us mental and emotional distress – and it is this that can eventually lead to physical ill-health.
For those that have physical or chronic illness, there is no need to beat yourself up about it and see it as a failure or that you have done something wrong. From a soul perspective, illness is what I chose to experience on my soul’s evolutionary journey. The reason for sharing this information now is that I am living proof that it is still possible to work backwards through time to identify all our limitations and let them go.
As we develop our awareness, what is the unclaimed emotion and belief buried in your subconscious mind that causes you to judge your current experience or beat yourself up? The chances are that unclaimed emotion was set up in your childhood or adolescent years and is still being played out in your adult life now. We have all been hurt but until recently, most of us have not had the skills to identify or heal those painful emotions.
We all develop survival strategies in our early lives to stay safe. I am aware of the fact that my stories are your stories, and they are also our collective story. So for our lives to have meaning, we must give ourselves the attention and awareness now to heal the mental, emotional and spiritual body. To heal a Core Wound, you will find your true identity, your purpose, your own self-expression – and your own creativity.
When the wounds from your past are healed then that power and the creativity within you know no bounds. I am not here to preach, convert or dictate to you. I am not a victim, a martyr or looking for sympathy either, because healing our Core Wounds is not about wallowing in self pity. I am here to bear my soul. What I offer here is an opportunity for you to reclaim and nurture your own inner child so that you may grow up and become whole again, with the grace of an adult – not the grief of a child.
I am passionate about sharing and I have made the shift to BE the change in the world, so the question is what is true for you? Are you living your life’s calling? If not, why not?
Showing the Way – or BEing the Way?
Showing a way for others means that some souls in their learning process walk into unknown places first, so as to pave the way and make it easier for others to follow. By surrendering to what is and going through the experiences that bring separation and limitation, they become the change to show others how illusion is a distorted form of perception and a lie. Illusion is when we see things not as they really and truly are.
Love and Truth are free. We hear a lot about 2013 being the year of the return of the Divine Feminine and “Love will set you free”, yet saying them and being them are two different things. How can we “be” that love if we are still holding onto or have numbed out our painful feelings? (by the way, most of us have.) If the Divine feminine is to “save the world” that can only happen when you first save yourself. We all have our stories, yet these are just stories of the mind. And some of these stories are so ingrained we do not even know they are there anymore. I, too, had held onto one such story.
Along the path of my own healing journey I found some truly amazing gifts and insights that I would like to share with you – this article is one such gift and my gift of love to you, in the hope it may start you on your own journey of transformation. Why would I do that? Because I am being the change, and it is my passion and soul calling now to assist others on their own transformational journey. What is calling the most to be healed is ourselves – and all that is required is a loving awareness of self and everything around us. In healing my own Core Wound, it has taken my service work with others to a much deeper level – and healing the wounded heart is now the expression of my purpose and commitment to encourage more self love and self nurturing in others – and in the world.
Today, with the wisdom of retrospection I can see how the beautiful sacred pattern and synchronicity of attracting illness was actually a sacred pathway to Divine Love, learning and growth for me. It was also a turning point in my life for ancestral, spiritual and physical healing, its purpose being to propel me towards my destiny and true calling and the work I came here to fulfil…to guide and offer support to others in these changing times, so that they too can heal their own Core Wounds of the heart and remember who they are.
The reason for sharing this work is to reach out to those who may find themselves at that turning point in life right now, and to say that regardless of circumstances we do have a choice as to how we respond. It takes great courage though to risk being authentic and vulnerable. Yet the risk to health is even greater if we stay behind the gates of our self imposed emotional prison, and whether you believe me or not – I know…
When your Core Wound is healed, all the traumas and dramas in your life will fall away. By sharing my own story too, I hope it will help you in your own recovery of woundedness and show how when we take the time to do our soul work, it will transform our soul and change us forever. That does not mean we have to spend days, weeks or months being self absorbed, it means being aware and asking questions of ourselves. Here I will share what an original Core Wound is, and how I found and healed my own painful wound of Injustice through contracting Rheumatoid Arthritis.
So are you willing to let go of the limiting beliefs and change the habits that are draining the life out of you? Are you willing to be gentle and patient with yourself as you learn to live a new way? Maybe you are not. Maybe you believe that you don’t have time. This type of work is about feeling the feelings – ALL of them, and most importantly, releasing the unresolved grief that we were unable to do at the time of the original trauma. Grief is about mourning…remembering…and crying. If we want to become Masters of Love and BE that Love, then we need to look at healing ALL the wounds of our mental and emotional body to become who we are – our true self, not the false self that hides behind a mask of pain.
For those that are interested I also share a Genetic Imprint of a collective Timeline wound and how it revealed itself in my own healing journey. What I uncovered was that this personal wound of Injustice went deep into the collective consciousness (or should I say unconsciousness), and the unclaimed emotion of guilt and shame has affected every man and woman ever since. It is the trauma of this collective wound in the stories of our incarnations and in the experiences of previous lives (if you believe in them) that the deeper cause of our wounding can be found.
A Moment of Truth
We may think that we are thinking clearly, yet if the truth be told, we are actually reacting to the information in our subconscious mind. Rather than seeing things as they are, we see the present moment from all the repressed emotions and memories that reside within our subconscious mind. I, too, have done that. Yet a lot of that hidden “emotional baggage” has been passed down from our parents and their parents before them. There is no blame here – just love, understanding and learning.
When we hold onto anger and resentment for what we believe has been done to us in the past, even though we may have forgotten it a long time ago, that toxic emotional poison can create illness and disease in our body. And if you are living with illness or disease at the moment, have you considered the possibility that it is showing up as unbalanced energy in our bodies wanting to “flow through” us? Yes, it may be true that “bad” things happen to us, but there is no truth that says we have to carry this burden around with us for the rest of our life.
The time is upon us all to heal the wounds from the past, for it is the key to be more loving to self – and it is the key to unlocking the authentic self and bringing who you really are out into the world so others can see you…and if you find a resistance within you to hear those words, or if you have been brought up with a belief that it is not right to “get above your station”, or “who do you think you are?” then maybe there is an unhealed wound showing up. I hope that in sharing my own inner journey, it may help and inspire all those that find themselves in a place of struggle right now…particularly those who may be living with chronic illness or disease. The parallels between the painful unclaimed emotions and a physical life-threatening illness come easy for me…because I have the experience of having straddled both worlds. I hope you will take the time to read this story from “cover to cover” because it will reveal how when we are mature enough to feel all that we need to feel without drowning in the past or blaming others, it is our feelings that are going to save us.
This is not a depressive story, nor is it about getting self absorbed in emotions and reliving the past – it is a healing journey in learning how to heal and love OURSELVES. I can take lightly the loss I experienced of my physical health and “limitations” because I know that this is what my soul needed to learn through, and it was up to me to go within and find fulfilment even in limitation. Many do not want to take this journey, remaining in denial or even believing they already do love themselves, yet continually outwardly judge or berate others – including themselves.
You will know when you are ready to deal with a Core Wound. If this article does not sit easy with you then let it go, the time may not be right for you yet to look at and heal your Core Wounds…the mind is very good at denial, judging, resisting and protesting. However, before you go, I would like to affirm that if the true seeker seeks from the heart, then what they are seeking for will be revealed…and healed. What I found and Eastern traditions already knew about was this:
When difficulties arise in your life, give yourself whole heartedly to them.
So if anything contained in this article opens a doorway for you to greater awareness to become who you are – then the healing message has been delivered and the possibility of healing might just begin for you. You will know when you have found your wound because of its “Ah Ha” moment…and what it reveals to you.
So, if you are ready and committed…let the journey begin…
Listen For the Call
Where there is fear or anxiety there is a wound – and the root cause of illness. Yet most people are not even aware of their fear or rather, the old emotional pain that still resides within their body. In this day and age where illness and disease is on the increase, in particular, stress, auto-immune diseases and mental illness, could it be possible that these “health challenges” are a sacred pathway for us to find our true calling? And could it also be possible that illness and disease are caused by energy releasing? I believe so. You do not have to share my spiritual beliefs, nor do you need to believe them, what does not resonate with you – let it go.
“If you bring forth what is within you it will save you” according to what’s written in the Gnostic Gospels. We all have a Divine Plan and the Light is within each of us – what it means is if we bring forth the Love and Light within us it will transform us. However, this “saving” is not just for us – it is for the good of all. To bring forth what is within us, it will save the world…it will save the people.
Please Note: What I share on these pages is my own healing journey, so my experiences and insights will be different to yours. It is not a “quick fix” for those who feel they may relate to a Core Wound of Injustice, because you may have different thoughts and beliefs to me that are keeping it in place. Neither is it a readymade “how to” formula for those who may think that “they” can heal another’s Core Wounds. For those that require help in identifying their Core Wound please email me.
Any Mental Health issues relating from childhood trauma should be addressed appropriately, so always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health care professional. The emotional healing information shared here is not intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment, neither is it intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional or a mental health or psychiatric report.
So as not to be provocative to those reading this who may be suffering a terminal illness, an incurable chronic disease or illness as defined by the Medical Profession, there is a big difference between “healing” something and “curing” it. We can still heal an illness or disease even though we have to live with it being incurable or terminal. Although medical science may not have found a cure for it yet, we can still heal the heart to bring us to a deeper place of understanding, compassion and forgiveness for ourselves. We do this by learning to surrender to the process of inner work and self reflection, and acceptance of this is the card we have been dealt with in this life to heal. Through healing the wound, we can discover our unique gift to give to the world – and developing and mastering our gift can become the work of a lifetime, it is our Great Work.
The Evolution of the Self
When we are faced with a painful life shattering event whether it is losing a job or loved one, even the breakdown of a relationship, or being plunged into the depths of a diagnosis, or a degenerative, chronic or terminal illness, they all offer us a turning point for healing of some kind. Distress is our failure to listen to the physical, mental and spiritual signals our bodies give us, and yet even stress has a meaning and purpose for our personal and spiritual development. Sometimes stress is a warning sign to relax, yet it can also be a pathway of initiation to nurture our fullest potential and be who we truly are. The underlying theme of a Core Wound can show itself through the situations in life which have caused us the greatest pain and where we have experienced the greatest loss.
I share my own Core Wound as an example of what the journey of the soul has to go through and overcome, and in sharing this work I hope it will give you an insight into the process of how we can all heal our Core Wounds. Whether problems in life are physical, mental or emotional, in doing this inner work, you begin to see how your experiences and perceptions from your past no longer need to be re-created in the now. It is a wonderful loving process to observe and heal the most important relationship of all…the relationship you have with yourself.
Some people are afraid to stand out or draw attention to them self so they suppress their dreams and ideas for fear of being ridiculed or put down. Then there are others who try to “do the right thing” who please and put other people before themselves, believing they will earn the love and respect they crave through sacrifice. Then there are those that obey because they are frightened of what will happen to them if they don’t…
The problem with “conforming” like this is that we end up losing ourselves and believing it is not ok to be who we are because somehow others won’t like it and they will judge or try to punish us. Conformity, whether it is in our relationships or in the work place, usually includes a threat of punishment if we do not fit in or comply with the wants and needs of another. There is also the possibility of being ridiculed, put down or ostracised, or even attacked physically, verbally or emotionally. Yet the biggest punishment usually comes from ourselves – because the judge in our mind usually takes the form of a critical parent, and so we struggle to be easy and kind on ourselves. The problem with losing ourselves or keeping ourselves small like this is that we live a life of numbing despair and a life lacking in meaning – a far cry from living an authentic life.
Regardless of whether our wounding (perceived or real) came from our mothers, fathers, siblings, or ancestors, we all have to take responsibility for ourselves to heal and bring into balance now the unhealed aspects that reside within us so that we can become all that we are meant to be…our true authentic self…and our true authentic self IS our soul.
All healing comes from understanding and love – it is not about blame. When we can understand the barriers to love that some of our mothers and fathers faced, then perhaps we can understand their inability to give us love and that it is then up to us to take the steps to ensure our own well-being. I believe that most mothers, and fathers, although there are a few exceptions, have good intentions towards their daughters. Unfortunately, due to their own ignorance and inability to love (because they had never been shown how to by their parents), they are not capable of offering sensitive support that their daughters needed to help them through life.
The Road Less Travelled
This is intended as a spiritual wellness and soul work article, not psycho analysis, so I lovingly ask that if you are serious about getting to the root cause of your wounding that you listen with your heart. You see, I know you, and YOU know me – my wounds are your wounds, and in our life long search to avoid pain and suffering, each and every one of us have had our hearts broken at some time in our lives.
So how do we heal the wounds of the past and release the hold of that emotional trauma on our present? Whatever your challenges may be right now, whatever situation you find yourself in, the first step to healing any wounds of the heart is to surrender to what is and acknowledge and accept your role in creating whatever exists in your life for your soul to grow – even if you do not like what your life looks like at the moment.
To be “reborn” though, we have to be broken and “die” first…
What are Core Wounds?
Anyone who is familiar with the journey of the soul will appreciate that we chose to come into our family system so as to re-experience and learn from this particular suffering in this lifetime – and to heal it. These are the essential lessons for our soul’s evolution of consciousness. Whether your core wound is one of abandonment, betrayal, humiliation, rejection, or injustice, (and more) ALL pain and suffering has a purpose.
Our original Core Wound can permeate every part of our lives and we may not even know or are aware of it because it is so deeply ingrained within us. I, too, was not aware. Our wound, of which we can have more than one, is based on an original trauma and is run by a deep seated negative belief (and sub beliefs) that is etched in the cells of our body and DNA. This is often carried as an imprint on the soul into our lifetime now and is the root cause of all our pain, misery, traumas and dramas in life.
I believe each of us has a unique soul mission and that finding and growing into that soul mission is the only route for each of us to the love, happiness and success in life that we crave. I also believe, and this is based on working with clients over the years as a spiritual counsellor, is that each of us has a Core Wound to work through in this lifetime. I also believe that each of us has a special and unique gift to share with the world – which can often be revealed to us through diversity of some kind.
Recognising Unhealed Core Wounds
Core Wounds do not go away. Do you love to be needed, or need to be loved? Are you a care giver or a care taker? Are you a pleaser, seeking approval or did you grow up believing everything had to be perfect? Did you grow up in the shadow of a sibling? Do you unconsciously manipulate others to get your own needs met by being a victim or a poor little me? If you are not able to see this in yourself right now, perhaps you can recognise it in the behaviour of others…yet what you see in another is the unhealed wound within yourself. We learn how to love ourselves and others by how we were treated as children. If you want to see an end to wars on this planet then we need to end the wars going on within us. This includes, but is not exclusive to, our self punishing thoughts and beliefs about ourselves.
If you are able to admit to yourself that you were wounded when you were young either by your parents, your siblings, or people in “authority”, then there is a chance that there is still a part of you that is still wounded now in your adult life and which is holding you back from reaching your fullest potential or finding your creativity. Most importantly, this work is not about blaming others or our parents for what may have happened to us. And for those that think the past is the past, just let it go, then I lovingly ask you to consider this:
We all have within us, or those that have the courage to admit it, secrets and lies, things we have done in the past that we feel ashamed of, so we hide these things and suppress them, hoping we will never be found out. We may dismiss them and believe there is no big deal, yet these wounds will fester below the surface. We may even believe that “if people really knew what I was like and what I have done, they will think I am a bad person and leave me or reject me – or not love me anymore.” We may be so ingrained in denial and resistance that we play a lot of this down. Oh the shame and guilt of being found out! Does this sound familiar to you?
So what we can do is project “our stuff” out there onto someone else, and we blame the other believing it’s their fault. Going within is a place most people do not want to go, they dismiss or ignore it because they cannot be bothered or are afraid of what they will find there. So we end up living in denial, emotional dishonesty and lies because the truth is too painful and difficult to face. Katherine Sharp once wrote,
Sometime in your life you will go on a journey.
It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.
It is the journey to find yourself.
You may not even see or relate to any of this right now, it may have even triggered anger or irritation of some kind, and that is ok too. If you want to transform your experience of life into a more loving and fulfilling journey, if you want to stop the wars and want to see peace in the world, then at some point, your quality of life depends on you seeing all of this. It also depends on what beliefs your children will grow up with too…
The lies I refer to are all the “untruths” we tell to ourselves – ego is good at that. DENIAL – Didn’t Even Notice I Am Lying. We have to stop lying to ourselves. When you have been touched by truth, it will change you – and change is what most people fear. Healing our inner child and our original Core Wounds is the only way to empower ourselves so that as adults, we stop living life in reaction to our past and set ourselves free.
You Cannot Run Away From Yourself
Things can happen to us during our lifetime which has its roots in past lives. The event is not the issue, it is the emotionally charged energy attached to it and this original Core Wound will sit in our etheric body until we are ready and mature enough to manage it and deal with it. We will know when we are ready to deal with it because it will scream so loudly at us that we cannot ignore it, and it usually comes in the form of loss, an illness, disease, injury, relationship breakdown, or an emotional upset of some kind. We are all being called now to bring the shadow into the light by showing our vulnerability and risking more honesty – even if that means risking rejection from others.
ALL healing is from the Inside Out. A reminder here too that you are not broken and nothing needs “fixing”, the Master within you knows what to do and is the true place of all healing. Until you understand how the wounds of childhood continue to run your adult lives, until you resolve the issues with your mother or father (or both), both personally and collectively, it is likely that you will never find the love you have spent a lifetime searching for – because it is not on the outside of you.
Love does not mean leaning and company does not mean security. Until we come to the realisation that we are the only ones who can be there to save, support, love and nurture that wounded little boy or girl that resides inside each of us, then the chances are we will never get lasting peace and fulfilment in our lives because something will always be niggling away inside calling for our attention.
What Is Your Wound?
Show me what’s going on in your life and I will know where you’ve been. The truth is we all carry our “emotional baggage” which includes our perceptions, judgements, distorted beliefs and programming held in our subconscious mind. Those of you that are having everything stripped away from you right now, or you are struggling with your personal relationships, friendships, your health, work, or your finances – these are the wake-up calls telling you something is “on fire” and these “situations” are waking you up to the truth and what is going on in your life. And any serious illness is a wake-up call not only for the body, but for the soul too.
If you are looking for the reasons why you keep repeating the same old things, making the same “mistakes” and wondering why you have not learnt your lesson, wondering why no matter how hard you try you never seem to “make it”, then look no further, the answers to all of these questions lay within you – the little boy or girl that is calling out to be heard, listened too, nurtured, loved – and healed.
An often heard sentence we may hear is that everyone has a child within them. This statement has far more depth than many realise, because the inner child is a fundamental part of our subconscious mind where our emotional experiences and memories are stored in our brain from the earliest memory – including our past lives.
Intellectual information on its own will not help you succeed in changing your life, and relying on positive thinking and affirmations alone without addressing the resistances within you will not work either. Some people use positive affirmations as a way of denying their feelings which is not healthy or healing. This is not a story to “save” others or try to rescue them – for it is only you that can save and rescue yourself.
Most of us know about original wounds from childhood, yet the truth is we spend so much time in denial or resistance, even laughing off or hiding in shame from our childhood hurts. I, too, did this, laughing off an event that happened over forty years ago. “Well I have done all the healing I need to do” and “I have nothing to heal, I had a very happy childhood” I hear some of you say. For those that believe their family and upbringing was normal, loving and happy, then I lovingly ask you to consider this:
How can anyone truthfully say they have no original wounds, because the truth is, no one’s family of origin was perfect. Our parents are wounded souls, and their parents before them and before them right back through the ages. There is nothing wrong with WHO we are – what got distorted in our childhood is the relationship with our self and how we relate to other people now. It takes vulnerability, courage, support, self reflection and truth to dive into the depths of a core wound and a wounded soul. The truth is many of us wear masks and live in a false world to hide and protect that inner part of us because we believe the truth is too painful, too frightening, or too shaming to look at. Yet through our own healing journey, the love we seek, the community we seek, the connection we seek – it is all inside of us. During any crisis, the core wound has presented itself to lead us home – home to our authentic self.
The End of Suffering
The clue to any core wound is in its repetition. If you keep repeating the same mistakes in relationships or have things in your life that keep repeating themselves, or show up in different disguises, then this is a clue that a core wound is playing out in your life. Whilst a lot of core wounds develop in childhood, we are too immature to deal with them so they follow us around in life until we are able, or forced to deal with them and heal them. This, too, happened to me. Whatever way it shows up for you, it will show up when your soul knows you are ready to deal with it.
I, like many people, have had to face many issues – issues that I thought I had dealt with a long time ago. That inner wounding is something that can hit us like a bolt out of the blue – and it usually happens when we are at our most vulnerable, or at a low point in life.
And for those that may want to turn off or turn away now, I lovingly ask you to consider this. Life can change in the blink of an eye and anything can happen at any time to anyone of us. This includes loss of some kind, illness, disease or injury, and it can strike anyone at any moment despite taking the best precautions of eating healthily and exercising regularly. You may dismiss this work and think that is has nothing to do with you – but one day that bomb might fall, and it does not discriminate who it falls on either…excuse the pun, but no one is bomb proof, even if they think they are. Life has a way of showing up, and show up it will. If you are reading this and your life seems to be crumbling at your feet, or in a place right now wondering why me, well, why not you? You have done nothing wrong and you are not broken so I lovingly ask you to consider this:
The Wisdom of the Wound
Whatever “challenge” life has presented you with and the losses that may be associated with it, just like a forest fire that is out of control, the devastating fires of loss can clear the way for a profound capacity for love, appreciation and understanding at a level that we have never experienced before. When we learn to approach ourselves with more compassion, humour, and creativity, even our wounds and reactions can become part of our great life adventure. Even our story is our way to learn, to allow the Divine in, to be open to new possibilities…they are ALL opportunities to grow and evolve more fully into who we are.
Through my own “challenges” and the uncertainty of chronic illness, my path led me to finding profound truths and happiness, even in the midst of the difficult conditions and events that took place. As painful and difficult as it was with each loss, they were actually gifts to me. This led me to a deeper place of understanding, gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, balance, peace, wisdom and love through the acceptance of what life had dealt me. Part of that acceptance is also about accepting that there is the illusion of illness here, but the I AM of me is not that illness. I have done nothing wrong, it does not make me less than, and I am good enough just as I AM – regardless of what others think of me. Through my own recovery process, I also know that all of it was an invitation for me to heal the Core Wound and bring me back to the Love which I have always been…so I could step forward and fulfil my destiny.
Life is not all about “Love and Light” – it is about embracing it ALL, including illness, disease, injury, grief and bereavement, disabilities, losing a job, home or partner. Having a spiritual practice can help us cope in times of challenge where we have been shattered and stripped bare of who we thought we were when our world is collapsing around us, yet it is also in this place that our gifts and healing are found. Our wounds and our reactions to them can become a part of not only our learning, but also how we grow and evolve from them.
Into The Underworld
Inner woundedness prevails in many of us. So I invite you now to come with me on a journey….a journey of Self discovery into the depths of your wounded Soul. I will now share with you how contracting rheumatoid arthritis lead me to finding and healing my Core Wound of Injustice at its point of origin. I ask that you approach the following with an open heart and mind and that what I offer is true and genuine to my own personal experiences, and allow for the possibility that you too can heal your own Core Wounds.
I was in the middle of building a successful therapy business as a Spiritual Counsellor, Teacher and Coach when I was struck down with rheumatoid arthritis. I had plans, (then there were “God’s” Plans!) This “crisis” of my body was also a crisis for my soul, and this life changing illness affected both my business and my personal life. Knowing that there had to be a higher purpose to it, I knew I was being called and moved to a new level of consciousness…and a new way of being.
Instead of “fighting” this disease, I embraced it, ALL of it – the whole lot of it. I did not resist it, I opened to the journey of rheumatoid and I surrendered to it, named it and claimed it – looking high and low for the meaning in it. In my search for meaning, some of the profound revelations revealed to me brought me to my knees in absolute awe, tears and gratitude. I felt into my body and listening to my inner guidance, I found the core energy at its heart…and in doing so I found the gift of it all at the centre of the wound. This is my story (and yours) into personal transformation and how I turned (and you can too) our Core Wounds into Light.
Having brought up two young children as a single parent and living most of my life on my own as a single person, my biggest fear over the years had always been, “what would I do if I lost my job? How would I survive?” In 2010 that became a reality. I was in constant severe pain and over a six month period my hands had become disfigured, my hair was falling out and I could not walk or climb stairs – let alone dress, undress or even feed myself. My body was breaking down at an alarming rate and at one point I wondered if I was dying – the strange thing is I did not feel fear.
When I was eventually diagnosed (by the Medical Profession) with rheumatoid arthritis my first reaction was one of relief because at least it had been given a name, a “label” and I could start looking at its message. According to the Medical Profession, rheumatoid arthritis, unlike arthritis or osteoarthritis, is a progressive, systemic, inflammatory, degenerative and disabling auto-immune disease characterised by pain, swelling, joint stiffness and extreme tiredness and fatigue. What this means is that the immune system breaks down and becomes over-active – the body attacks itself by seeing even good cells as the enemy and tries to kill them off.
The exact cause of rheumatoid arthritis according to them is unknown! The Medical Diagnosis of the disease is they know how the condition attacks the joints, but it is not yet known what triggers the initial attack. Some theories suggest that an infection or virus may trigger rheumatoid arthritis, but none of these theories has been proven. Through the “energy work” I did as an energy “healer”, I believe that disease is an illusion – it is when the “dis-ease” manifests in the body that it gets labelled as disease by the Medical Profession. I also believe that the names of diseases are designed to obscure – not inform. My view is they dis-empower and put us into fear of illness which then separates us from our own self-healing…because by labelling diseases they do not put us in touch with our own inner healer and the root cause of any disease.
I experienced so many “losses”, including my source of income and professional practice as a Spiritual Teacher, Therapist and Practitioner. Living on my own, what followed left me feeling very vulnerable indeed but instead of running away from it all, I went within because having facilitated inner emotional work with clients over many years I knew there had to be unfinished work within me that needed attending to.
Viewed from a spiritual perspective, life is a process or journey of discovery and development during which personal maturity may importantly be gained through adversity. I knew there had to be a higher purpose to this as from an energetic perspective, I knew that this had to be an illusion from the past that was so traumatic for me, I had identified myself with it at some level and the “story” needed to be released.
Having been diagnosed in 1997 with a dysfunctional thyroid (another auto-immune disease) I knew there was an even deeper root cause to all this. Many people that live with rheumatoid also have throat problems, and my question to myself was what, if any, is the relation to rheumatoid and the throat? So I became like a detective, determined to leave no stone unturned, because I knew at some level, to re-build the natural balance of self, healing was needed.
Before I move into how the core wound of Injustice revealed itself to me, it helps to recognise that even though certain individuals may have acted in ways that impacted us deeply, we do not need to continue to blame them when we come to the realization that these wounds were already present when our soul came into our body. Our Core Wounds run deep at a sub conscious level, a seed memory, and can come from previous lifetimes.
What needs Healing?
Firstly, it may help to differentiate between the injustices of the world and a Core Wound of Injustice. Injustices of the world can mean gross unfairness and life can be seen as unjust, as we see in the violation of the rights of others, unjust or unfair treatment of others, or an unjust or unfair act. A Core Wound on the other hand runs at the deepest part of all of our life’s suffering and there is always a root cause to all the manifestations of our reality. Many will turn away from another’s wounding because it can bring up parts within us that are in need of healing also, yet whilst we continue to deny or repress our own wounding, it will only hurt us further by keeping us away from owning and sharing our creative gifts. This, too, happened to me.
Even if it feels like people and events in this lifetime caused our wounds, they only triggered them to get opened up and played out in this life time to heal them – there is no blame. When we are able to heal these wounds, when we are able to forgive others and more importantly, forgive ourselves, we will come to realise that it is these core wounds that also motivated us to evolve the most so as to be of service to others.
My initial response to the diagnosis of rheumatoid was what needs healing? I was not aware of feeling “out of balance” as such, yet at some level I knew and trusted that this health challenge was to get me out of a place of work that I had known for a while was no longer serving my highest good. I also believe that when we know we have to make changes but do nothing about it, a celestial clock starts ticking. We feel secure in our comfort zone, we become complacent. Just like a timer on a clock, I believe a time is set on our soul path when we need to change direction. If we do not do it voluntary, it will be done for us and usually in a way that will bring us to our knees. This is my knowing. If this does not resonate with you then do not take it on as your belief, at least not before you know this to be true for you or not.
Having spent my working profession as a professional mental and emotional “healer” for others, I was good at the work I did to get to the root of their problem because I knew of the devastating impact our negative thoughts and beliefs can have on our health. So I immediately turned to Louise Hay’s book “You can heal your life” to find an explanation as to why I had attracted this disease into my life in the first place. (Note that the implied “belief” was that I had done something wrong).
Quote: Rheumatoid Arthritis: Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.
My first reaction to that was that I burst out laughing – how true and accurate was that! In my teenage years I was always the rebel, always criticising authority, particularly my parents and the school Headmaster! And as an adult in a controlling workplace environment, I most certainly felt put upon by others, particularly by “management.” My initial response of laughter though was because I “thought” I had dealt with these issues a long time ago…and as my dad used to say, “well you know what thought did”. What that means is, it is not good “thinking” you know something – it’s best to find the truth and not make assumptions. How many times have you said “well I know that” Well do you? Do you really? Knowing something in the head does not make it true.
A Journey into Self Nurturing
In 2002 and onwards I trained in many holistic and healing modalities, still searching for who am I and what is the meaning of life? The key to it all was in front of me all the time and I just could not see it. In 2010 I turned the key in the lock and the door opened…opening up to self love and my true spiritual power of authenticity. That is, the authentic me and not the false self that my parents had trained me to be. No blame here, just love and learning.
My own Core Wound reveals a painful legacy of distorted love and the life of a woman who in childhood was never allowed to express emotions, and who was certainly never taught how to remove that emotional pain. I was brought up to “do as I say, not as I do” and I learned not to cry because I was told, “Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about” and “children should be seen and not heard”. I learned the best way to survive in my environment was to keep out of the way and avoid any conflict with my dad. I learned not to share my worries and secrets with my sister to avoid her telling my mum. I learned not to share my worries and secrets with my mum to avoid her telling my dad. What I also learned was not to ask for help and so I became self sufficient. From what I see, I believe this inability to process emotions is common in the vast majority of people today, and the unresolved grief and the unexpressed feelings are the chains that bind us in a self imposed prison of illusion and victimhood that keeps us small and limited.
When a Man Loves a Woman
A daughter needs her father to show her how to behave with men – he is the role model for husband. There are always exceptions to the rule, but usually for women, until we heal the wounds with our father, in an archetypal way, we will attract the same patterns of behaviour in our choice of men. My father was authoritarian, disapproving and controlling. A woman nearly always takes on their mother’s role in her marriage (men do the same with their father’s role). So with an authoritarian father and an emotionally absent mother who were both wounded souls trapped in survival mode, my poor role models did what most parents do – pass it onto the next generation. One major aspect for my sister and me were that we never shown any affection, we were never allowed friends to come inside the house and I in particular was ruled by a rod of steel – woe betide if I dared answer back and a particular “battle” with my father that happened when I was seventeen years old hurt me to the core.
I had always been brought up to tell the truth at all times, and on this particular occasion, my dad did not believe me and made me apologise for something I did not do. At seventeen years of age I was still classed as a child in those days, and I was scared of my dad, and because the so called issue had brought shame, the condition was that I would not be allowed back in school until I had apologised. This was the event and defining moment that mapped out the rest of my life.
It was through my own “awakening” in 1999 when “I found my voice” and that the inner work that followed revealed why I had attracted an overactive thyroid two years earlier. My own body was showing me that by not being able to express my feelings in childhood and by suppressing my feelings and not speaking my truth for all those years, the energy that had become trapped in my emotional body and not being able to “fight back” had now manifested where my immune system was attacking itself.
Yet I had dealt with and healed all this (so I thought) so why had rheumatoid now manifested in my physical body? The medical profession had an answer for that – or for my thyroid dysfunction at least – it was genetic. My father had pernicious anaemia – an auto-immune disease.
Auto-immune diseases are on the increase and as medical science looks for a cure, there are others that say it is due to the toxins we ingest from our food and to some degree, they are right. However, toxins can also take the form of toxic thoughts and beliefs, as well as toxic relationships. I believe more than ever now, we are all being called to heal the toxic thoughts, beliefs and emotions that reside within us.
I Didn’t Do It!
One night, as I lay in bed unable to sleep due to the pain in my fingers and feet that were “on fire”, rather than avoid what was happening to me I asked Source and I prayed to be shown what this was all about. And I listened…and in listening, I was shown an image…an image that was fleeting and of a past life…and in that past life image I was screaming, I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!…and followed by the word “injustice”. This was a profound revelation for me, for it immediately took me back to the “injustices” in my childhood.
I always felt judged and blamed for things that I did not do, and I had a younger sister who always got away with more than me. Whatever I did to try and get some attention or recognition from emotionally distant parents usually got me into trouble of some kind during adolescence where I became rebellious – which left me feeling angry and resentful towards my parents at the perceived injustice and unfairness of everything. “I didn’t do it” goes deep because it exposes the personal toll of all our wrongful convictions – one gut wrenching case at a time.
I now see though how this wound of injustice became repressed and hidden, particularly in my teenage years after a very traumatic event at seventeen where my father threatened me and I had to apologise to the school Headmaster for something I did not do. It was this one event that had lain hidden and yet unconsciously had developed into an unresolved emotional trauma of anger and resentment, not only towards my parents but to the Headmaster and anyone in authority who crossed my path, and unconsciously, I had allowed to affect me for the rest of my life. I felt so betrayed, let down and abandoned by my parents because of the injustice of it all. This also resulted in me standing up for the “underdog” when I felt they were being unfairly treated and who were not able to stand up to “authority” for themselves.
There is no blame here towards my parents, or anyone, as they were all wounded souls themselves, and growing up like a lot of others, I did not have particularly good role models. I never felt that sense of safety and nurturing from a mother or a sense of protection with my father. My spirit crushed, to survive in this toxic, dysfunctional environment I developed a mask of “aloofness”, “rigidity” and “perfectionism” – it was the only way of having control in a world where I felt so afraid, angry and helpless.
Behind that mask is where I stuffed all my anger, nervousness, impatience, frustration, criticism, resentment and shame. Yet that mask of aloofness also kept others out. The pain and hurt I felt inside of not being listened to or not being believed, the guilt and shame placed upon me at the time which left me feeling that I had done something wrong was unbearable – and I soon developed an attitude of “I can do it myself” and “I don’t need anyone” so that I would not be put in a position to be wronged. And that became the “norm” throughout most of my life.
I learnt to survive on my own, because it was not ok for me to ask for help because on the odd occasion when I did, others had let me down. So I learnt I did not need any help, it was easier for me to do it all myself. No, I am fine, I don’t need any help. I had been brought up to be a “good girl” and obedient and it was not ok for me to show any emotion. I also grew into a very understanding person. I became so understanding that I allowed others to get away with things even though it hurt me (being put upon.). I was also brought up to be honest – even if it meant getting into trouble. And because I had been brought up with those high standards, I expected everyone else to be honest and truthful with me. I learnt never to put an expectation on anyone or anything because I was just setting myself up to be let down and wronged. In my relationships, I just kept giving and giving to them, never getting my needs met and ending up feeling resentful and taken for granted and the unfairness of it all. I had sacrificed my own wants and needs to do the right thing so I could not feel the shame and be accused of doing something wrong.
The Genetic and Ancestral Imprint of Injustice Reveals Itself
Our original core wound is a base level trauma that leaves an impression on the auric body and as a result is repeated over and again through subsequent wounds stemming from the same “seed memory”. My sustained inner work over the past few years has helped me realise the possibility that the rheumatoid was also my body’s way of cleansing my soul of the accumulated ancestral baggage of injustice.
Through my searching about rheumatoid, in January 2012 I came across an intriguing scientific article regarding rheumatoid and the research reveals the importance of “imprinted genes” as a weapon in the battle of the sexes. From a spiritual perspective, this question really set off alarm bells for me regarding the “battle of the sexes” of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine, and so my own personal quest continued.
The real issue for me stemmed from a father –daughter relationship that was never properly resolved and I had tried unconsciously to get it finished up with a marriage and some heart breaking relationships that had never done the job. A big part of the problem for me was that I was never allowed to express my emotions growing up, and what I realise now is that my “back chat” was perceived as criticism from my parents.
My mother would often threaten me with, “you just wait to your father gets home he’ll hit the roof!” – I am sure many can relate to this attempt of control from their parents, but it left me in a state of fear and anxiety for hours waiting for my dad to get home and wondering if I would get a good hiding, and so I learned to repress the sides of my nature that my parents had disapproved of for me to feel safe.
In January 2004 when my dad was in hospital awaiting heart surgery I attempted to write him a letter, this letter was my way of trying to tell him how I was trying to make sense of my childhood. I never gave him the letter, but I think it came as a shock to him when he realised my mum was a liar (his words) and I told him that I lived in fear of him all my life. I never made it to the hospital before he died, but the last phone call we had together revealed what I had been waiting forty nine years to hear from my dad and what I was trying to resolve in my relationships, His last words were, “I love you Lin, you know that don’t you?”
The wound is healed
My father was unable to master himself so the only response I could adopt was to be the master of myself and show no vulnerability or fear. Because I was not able to seek emotional reassurance and security from my parents, I had to become emotionally self contained and invulnerable to survive, shutting down the compassionate core to myself. A big part of the problem for me was that I was not allowed to feel angry – or rather I was not allowed to express anger – because of the fear of being told off or punished for something I had not done or done wrong. I could not afford to be weak and vulnerable because that would invite attack.
I know that being critical, judgemental and intolerant of authority is one of those insidious patterns picked up in childhood as a way to protect ourselves from absorbing criticism from our parents. It is a defence mechanism set up by a wounded heart and a faltering sense of self. According to authoritarian personality theory obedient people are the result of a harsh, punitive upbringing by strict parents. They obey because, unconsciously, they are scared of their parents.
As soon as we have a big piece of our psyche that we are not allowed to own, then subconsciously we are forced into the position of needing to find someone else to take it over on our behalf. For me at a subconscious level, there was always a need to find a deeply insecure man to carry my unconscious fear and anxiety for me to feel safe. The truth is my anger and resentment was not able to be expressed because of the fear of being on the receiving end of aggressive confrontation. This meant I became very passive and when we keep everything in, what it causes is other people think we are a push over or a doormat. This explains why when I say that I am the most understanding person you will ever meet – you can push me and push me until I get to a point where I say “don’t take the P… The key to all this is balance…yet knowing something and doing it are worlds apart! When the veil of illusion is lifted we are left with the truth – and it is the truth that sets us free.
The Truth will set you Free
The unclaimed emotion for me was shame. The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business fuelled a lot of hidden anxiety, fear, confusion and a lack of trust throughout my life. I had tried unconsciously to heal this wound as this pattern continued into my marriage and beyond bringing me into relationships with men that had complex and hidden motives of their own, and who would criticise, judge me and put me down because my own strength and independent nature brought out their own insecurities. Yet the truth is they were my teachers, my reaction to their disapproval was just showing up for me to show me I had an unhealed wound. Their behaviour just triggered my distorted belief that I had done something wrong and in my eyes, the unfairness of it all brought up my unhealed wound of injustice.
So I had unconsciously set up a controlling programme of perfectionism, whereby I had to do things “right” all the time so I would not be blamed and shamed for doing something wrong or criticised for something I had not done. This mask of perfectionism hid my feelings of anger, impatience and intolerance which got projected as I attacked myself with criticism and judgement. I put so many demands on myself, always pushing myself that bit further because I did not respect my own limits. With this self punishing behaviour, no wonder my immune system was attacking itself! By putting others needs first, particularly the men in my life became a losing battle, as when I did not match up to their expectations I left myself wide open to be criticised and judged. This kept the programme of self punishment in place where I would berate myself for not meeting my own high standards or the expectations of others.
Although I thought I had dealt with all my past perceived wounding, there was one thing I had never done – forgive MYSELF. This was the one thing that had kept the Core Wound in place and remained unhealed. Again, forgiveness cannot come from the head – it has to be felt with the heart.
The deep pain I had hidden in the depths of my subconscious mind had been awakened and reared its head through illness because of the lifetime of anger, frustration, resentment, grief, separation and subjugation at not being able to express or be myself. With an emotionally detached mother, as a teenager I felt my mother’s coldness and can understand why I always felt like the black sheep of the family. With an authoritarian father, the strictness, criticism and having to conform, I can understand why I had cut myself off from my feelings believing that it was because I was protecting myself and was the only way I could survive. I can also understand when my grumpiness in my teenage years towards my parents and often being reminded that I was just like my grandma, did not mean that I did not feel anything, my “grumpiness” was hiding the hurt feelings I felt but could not express.
I also understand why I became too understanding of others, particularly when their behaviour hurt me and I said nothing. I knew what it was like to have my feelings hurt and I did not want them to feel hurt like I did, so I hurt myself instead by saying nothing, suppressing my feelings and conforming. I also understand how I buried my sensitivity and kept it hidden, giving the impression to others that I was cold and aloof – how rigid was that?! My deep criticism of authority was because I feared authority – because as a child I had always been taught that authority was always right and I was wrong.
I had not acknowledged my hurt feelings because the trauma at the time was too great to process, so I could not grieve for the wounded, hurt, frightened, anxious girl inside of me. I could not grieve for my dad when he died because I was supporting my family through theirs, and suppressing my own feelings. I did not grieve for the life I could have had because I had kept myself safe in my own self created comfort zone, fearing I would not survive outside of it. I had also kept myself safe for far too long in a controlling authoritarian workplace environment that paid the bills yet was draining the life force energy out of me – and my soul needed to break free from the self imposed chains I had bound it in so I could be acknowledged for who I am – not what I do. Experiencing loss and separation through illness and abandonment by some so called friends, allowed me to move into the unhealed trauma. As each step revealed itself and came into the Light, it also revealed the God Consciousness within me and the memory of who I truly am that had remained hidden under the unhealed Core Wound of Injustice.
When I had finally reached the point of self forgiveness for the pain and toxic poison I had created for myself (no, I am not blaming myself here), I was able to accept and see how everything in my life has all been a beautiful dance…and that when injustice (perceived or real) reared its ugly head, it was just a dance of love showing me an unhealed wound where not only I judged and criticised authority, but where I judged and criticised myself. ALL of it was leading me home to my authentic self and the Divine. As for judgement…we all judge. Yet what you have judged yourself for…you will now be asked NOT TO judge yourself for…
The Healing Wisdom of Forgiveness
When my dad died in 2004 and my mum was sorting through his papers and discarded a leather wallet belonging to my dad. My sister retrieved it and inside was two well worn cards – they were the christening cards belonging to my sister and me. And in his personal belongings, she found a ring that my dad had bought me on a holiday that I had thrown away when I was seventeen…
I know that two of the common ingredients for anger are unfairness and pain. My dad had lived through the Blitz in London as a young boy, so I cannot even begin to imagine his fears – particularly survival. He never spoke much about his own childhood but the odd story he did share (and laughed about too) I could see similarities of injustice. So from a soul perspective, I can see how I had chosen my dad before birth to heal the ancestral wound of injustice that he was not able to heal in his lifetime.
As a result of this unhealed core belief that “I had done something wrong” I experienced pain, mental distress and anxiety. Because this anxiety was “unconscious”, in other words I was not aware of this deep seated anxiety, every situation I was in where I found myself feeling unjustly treated, this emotional pain eventually caused physical responses in my body which disturbed the natural flow of energy and my state of being. Because I was not able to express my anger outwardly, I suppressed it inwardly. That anger became inflammation where it eventually started to attack my immune system.
It would be easy to adopt a feeling of regret and another “belief” that the tragedy of all this if there is one, is the deprivation of all the lost years I could have shared with my parents, in particular my father, and for the memories I might have had with a man I never knew. I am grateful to my dad because I know that on a soul level, he loved me so much that he agreed to be the teacher in my life so I could heal this wound in this life time…thanks dad, for being my dad…I Love you…
Although he was unable to express his feelings because of his own upbringing and emotional wounding, he tried to show his love in the Christmas presents that were in a pillow case at the bottom of my bed on Christmas day…the holidays to the seaside where my dad would always buy me a bucket and spade and paper flags to put in the sandcastles he built…the bonfire and fireworks he would light when he got home from work and before he had his tea…the Sunday picnics he took us to and the games he played with us…time and time again this core Wound had presented itself many times in my life for healing. I can now forgive myself for the trauma I created and experienced in my life because it was all a beautiful, sacred pathway for my soul to learn and grow. Through my own innocence and divinity I was unconscious and unaware at the time…and I knew not what I was doing. The deeds I had done to myself were done through ignorance.
The Timeline is Healed
This healing journey took me to a place of grace and revelation, and with a deeply humbled heart and heartfelt gratitude for being shown how contracting rheumatoid arthritis was to heal the Timeline of the unhealed wound and Genetic Imprint of Injustice throughout all time – the “Battle of the Sexes” the unhealed split between men and women, the Burning Times, the Crucifixion, Mary Magdalene, the collective harm and deep wound of injustice and the unhealed wound of original innocence itself in our collective history back to the “Garden of Eden” – all the guilt and toxic shame that has been carried down the timeline through the Children of Eve (us). It is my belief that we all have a collective responsibility now to repair the guilt and shame within ourselves and more importantly, it can be a motivation for our own growth and healing – because shame always brings with it thoughts of fear and anxiety.
Perhaps you too can relate to a Core Wound of Injustice in your own life, yet the only way to overcome injustice (perceived or real) is to join hands with truth – because you, like me, will only find your freedom when the truth has been found and mastered.
Thyroid Illness and the Throat Chakra
Thyroid illness appears to be more common in women than it does men. The thyroid gland itself sits in the front of the neck and controls the rate at which energy is produced and our metabolism – this is done through the release of thyroid hormones (thyroxin) that the body stores and a gland can become overactive, or underactive. Interestingly, the ancient Greeks referred to thyroxin as the “hormone of the soul.”
There is no judgement or blame here, from a spiritual perspective, are you open to the possibility that you created your thyroid problems…I know I did. I am not talking about getting too much or too little iodine, I am talking about the thoughts, beliefs and emotions that we are not acknowledging or expressing and therefore hiding who we really are! I can see how anger and resentment is often held in the throat chakra by those who do not feel they have a voice or have felt that they have to keep things hidden from others. From my own experience, a dominant father and having to keep secrets…this certainly feels true for me.
The Throat Chakra has special significance because it represents communication – it is also the seat of our identity, our self expression and our creativity…this is why it is important now to process the unhealed emotions of anger and resentment.
The Process of Healing our Wounds
Through the emotional healing work I have done with individuals over the years, I am aware of all the defence mechanisms people use to avoid getting to the truth of the matter. Some people become so rigid and resistant that they believe “well no-one can help me” and it is easy to remain in denial and make assumptions and assume with this mindset. There also comes a point when healing unresolved wounds from the past that we have to acknowledge our victim consciousness and martyr thinking so that we are able to let it go.
The point is, do you want to continue suffering (which some people do), or do you want to change? Many say they want to change but do not know how to or they are resistant to the challenging questions asked of them. The longer a wound has remained in place the deeper it is, and any defence mechanisms that have been adopted will form a barrier preventing you from having the necessary awareness to make that choice. With inner work, begin to notice the feelings and emotions that are showing up for you to look at, because this is the way to release the patterns and heal the original Core Wound.
When negative emotions come up it is easy to identify with and attach to them, so when doing inner work, become the observer witnessing what is happening. A technique I find useful is to place a hand on the heart, identify the feeling or emotion and affirm that for example, “Anger is here and passing through me, however, I am not this feeling of anger, I AM a divine being of Love.” This can then create the space for Light to enter so the feeling can pass through and subside – rather than becoming blocked energy in the body. And remember to breathe…
The Mind is Sick
Before disease manifests in the physical body it has to start in the mind as a negative thought or belief first. If we can acknowledge that it is our state of mind that is diseased through negative self talk then we can heal it – and cure it. The end of suffering comes when we are conscious and aware that it is the mind that is sick and as a result our emotional body is wounded, then we are half way there to healing it. Before we can heal it though, we have to find what the truth is and what is false first. The core belief I carried was that if “authority” (real or unreal) disapproved of me then I had done something wrong. Where is the evidence? There is none. Therefore, the belief is not true – it is an illusion and it is false. When we become aware that our distorted beliefs create our emotional wounding, then we can heal our wound.
There is no set formula or right or wrong way to heal Core Wounds and you do not need to go and confront anyone, what is calling to be healed are your thoughts and beliefs around this situation that were created from your own perceptions during your developmental stages as a child. It is this wounded inner child who continues to “act out” in the adult version of you, and is the cause of your old programming that is running your life today. So it is up to you to re-parent this wounded child if you want to heal your Core Wounds, or, find a Therapist who can help and guide you. When we are unaware it is easy to blame others, yet we need to look at the part we are playing in this drama – because we have been playing the part that we have been programmed to believe. I, too, had done this, I take personal responsibility for that and I forgive myself.
Even though it may feel like people and events in this life caused our wounds they are our teachers – we chose them before we incarnated. On a soul level, they love us so much they agreed to help us heal our wounds in this lifetime so their role is to awaken and trigger them to open up and get played out through this life. When we learn to accept that and understand that it is our own distorted beliefs that keep us locked in our self imposed prisons, as the Gatekeeper, truth is the key that will set us free. All healing is a choice, and in freeing ourselves by changing our own thoughts and beliefs, not only do we change ourselves but we also change the lives of those around us.
Truth, Forgiveness, Self Love
There will come a time in the healing of your wounds that you will truly understand that what happened is not personal. From a soul perspective, you will start to see that what you perceived as another’s bad behaviour is on a human level just ignorance – for they also chose you in your role to awaken and trigger them to open up in this life. This is the ignorance that Jesus spoke about when he said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”. When you understand the true meaning of this…the truth will truly set you free. Whether you believe in Jesus as a man or not, it is the meaning and ramification of these words that are far reaching…for here was a man in agony, cruelly wronged and dreadfully hurt as any other human being who has ever been put to death…flogged, beaten and spat upon, crowned with thorns and humiliated, “they know not what they do” are deeds done through ignorance and unawareness.
I have used the above as an example of forgiveness because there will come a time in the healing of your Core Wounds that when you recognise that what you perceived as another’s bad behaviour, on a human level it was just ignorance both on your part and theirs. Then perhaps you will come to a place of forgiveness. We know when forgiveness has healed a situation or event because we no longer react to the mention of a person’s name and there is no emotional reaction, but we must also extend that forgiveness to ourselves for all the hurt and harm we caused ourselves. When we have truly forgiven the wound is healed – as forgiveness is the only way to heal Core Wounds.
You cannot be happy if you do not love yourself. So if you share my vision for humanity can you imagine what the world would like if everyone took responsibility for their own emotional wounding? When you can stop lying and be truthful to yourself and others…when you can forgive others for the deeds that are done in ignorance and unawareness…when you can forgive yourself for the part you played in the dramas…when you can love everyone and everything for what and who they are (including yourself)…what would the world like for you? The insight I have received on healing my own Core Wound is quite simple, what needs to develop and grow now in everyone is…Loving Awareness of self and all.
Before I close this story, I would like to leave you with this:
NEVER give your power away – get in touch with the magnificence of YOU. The one thing I learnt from rheumatoid arthritis is to love self unconditionally, warts and all, for when we are true to ourselves we become the torch bearers – the vessel of truth for others.
Set your own rules, live the life you want and BE the change in the world!
The Soul’s Gift
All the heart healing work I am able to offer now as an Inner Alchemy facilitator, is dedicated to all those who feel they are ready to heal their own wounds of the heart. It is my way of giving back and saying “thank you” for all the many blessings and gifts I have received on my own healing journey of healing the heart and now living my life’s calling.
Please contact me if you have any questions or need support and guidance – I am happy to give you friendly advice.
Contracting rheumatoid arthritis has been another wake-up call for me, yet it was also a gateway in my own personal journey towards learning, healing, transformation and soul growth. I vow to continue to provide a sacred place for healing the heart and awakening the Light within YOU…by offering support, love and guidance to those who request it on how you can move through these challenging times with grace and ease.
What Do You Have To Share?
Perhaps you may like to share your own personal story or your path of healing and transformation through the blog. Sometimes, what we have to say can be the catalyst for another’s healing.
As my focus is on sharing information, any questions that are submitted to me via email are subject to possible anonymous posting on the blog.
Blessings to you all,
from my heart to yours….