It takes courage on a daily basis to Love with our whole Heart, and within every heart there is a place that wants to love and feel Loved. Yet how many of us are willing to admit that at times we may feel isolated, not heard, lonely and disconnected in our friendships and relationships, or search for groups of “like-minded” people so we can feel a sense of belonging, yet still feel diminished, disconnected and unfulfilled and we don’t know why or how to change it?
And how many of us are even more willing to admit that we can feel inadequate, not good enough or unloveable? Through the loss or breakdown of some friendships, relationships or jobs, how many of us have felt a sense of betrayal, rejection, or abandonment?
I have been aware of a repeating message over these past few weeks calling out for a deeper truth to be delivered and heard. Through connections and conversations I have been having with some of my friends and people I know, I have noticed an underlying theme arising through their spoken and unspoken word.
Aligning the Misaligned
On the 2nd June, I facilitated a small gathering in my home for the Festival of Goodwill – a festival celebrated worldwide for sincere individuals who wish to serve humanity. Using the power of Goodwill is defined as “Love in Action”. Two is also about “partnership” energy and communication – and the exchanges we have with ourselves and others. So how can we activate authentically the energy of “Love in Action” within ourselves?
Love’s healing message this month is about being in authentic Divine Partnership with ourselves first, acknowledging and becoming aware of our own unmet needs and wounding, the fear behind truly knowing ourselves, authentic and inauthentic connection with others – the sting of betrayal, rejection and abandonment and what all our pain and painful feelings are showing us. We will all know and experience disconnection and mental and emotional pain at times in our lives – until we awaken the Light within and heal the wound.
Love and Truth are free. Having the courage to be authentic in these times of change is not an option – it is a requirement. It is also a path to healing. The powerful force of a Divine Heart longs to reveal itself, yet we cannot give to others whole heartedly if we are not whole ourselves (or actively moving towards it).
The intensity of energies of late appear to be causing much over whelm, stress, anger, frustration, tiredness, guilt, chaos, anxiety and confusion. There are also overwhelming feelings for some of loneliness and disconnection, feeling lost, isolated, not feeling safe or even bringing up fears of dying. Our thoughts and feelings appear to be crashing and bouncing off one another as we continue to purge the old and make way for the new. So many of us can get caught up in our troubles and allow so many parts of ourselves to die – and it is so easy to fall into fear, numbness or a depressive state. No matter how we feel, there is no shame in that and it ok in feeling what we feel.
What appears to be happening is a jostling with our lower mind (ego) and the Higher Mind. Energetically we are being pushed and shoved to stay in balance, so it appears that the purpose of these colliding thoughts and feelings is to liberate us from our fear based egos and an unhealed masculine energetic which is a source of much anxiety and disconnection in our lives. But with liberation comes the responsibility of knowing ourselves – and we are now being asked to choose a different way. This is all part of our journey into awareness and authenticity.
Love’s Healing Message
We are all here to serve a higher purpose, even though we may not yet know what that is or how to fulfil it. Our thoughts are powerful – they create how we feel.
Although this message is longer and deeper than usual, its purpose is to offer useful and practical help to understand and learn how our pain and discomfort can be used in a positive way to move us into the Light – and to more fulfilling authentic connections. Gaining information is never a problem – applying it to our own lives is the challenge. Whilst it may appear like a lot of “information” to digest, I have found that if emotions can be examined objectively then they can be dealt with in a rational way. Are you willing to be open and connect wholeheartedly with this article? If not, that may be a reflection of how willing you are to be open and connect wholeheartedly with yourself and others.
You may choose to discard the written word here as an intellectual process and too much information for the mind that you do not have time for and focus solely on the Heart. When we can recognise that both the mind and heart have value and they are both required to work together for balance and connection, together they become a united powerful force. By focusing on one and disregarding the other is to abandon a part of ourselves – the mind and Heart are required to work together so we can receive the inner guidance to move ourselves forward.
All messages presented and delivered through the blog articles are a labour of Love intended for self reflection and self inquiry to inspire and empower us on this journey we call life. It doesn’t have to be read all in one go and it can be helpful to browse one section at a time where pearls of wisdom are shared to re-awaken consciousness, uplift, heal and feed the soul for spiritual and personal growth, self empowerment and inner peace. Their purpose has always been to empower, so that we can be the best we can be for ourselves and others.
My own experience with disconnection, and at times feeling lonely and isolated, came through illness and disability. At that time my life revolved around work as it had always done to survive and I was not able to deeply share with anyone how I really felt about the sadness of having a chronic illness and disability, or about the plans I had to take my then business forward – and the separation I felt from my mum and my sister and not being able to visit them anymore.
The Path of Light
The happy–go–lucky and confident Linda was now struggling, and what I needed was to be heard by an empathic ear and a voice that would tell me everything would be ok. But the higher purpose of the illness was to find and create a Divine partnership with myself – to awaken the Light within to heal the wound and bring me back to who I AM. I follow no religion, but when I understood and came to the realization of what the higher purpose of the illness and the collective wound was about, the illness itself then became a divine gift.
To heal our wound is the task which each and everyone is required to undertake to become who we truly are. This is the soul work each of us is here to do – to find our way home to the conscious realization of our Oneness with the Infinite and that our TRUE being is already perfect, whole and complete. When the wound has been healed the wound is no longer needed.
Whilst we are all unique we all have one thing in common. We are spiritual beings who are having a human experience which consists of challenging trials and situations designed to guide and lead us to the evolution of our spirit. To evolve means that we are required to enter into a relationship with our inner selves and become aware of who we are. This is the journey of remembering who we are and a journey of self discovery. It cannot be rushed or forced – it is a process that will be triggered at sometime in our lives. Like the layers of an onion it is the peeling away of our conditioning, our distorted beliefs, our negative self talk and self doubts – these form parts of our wound. We become limited by these and awakening our Light within is the key to accessing our true inner selves and unlocking our divine potential.
Regardless of religious beliefs or not, until every man, woman and child is united with the Divine Light – Illumined Truth – Divine Presence – Source – Mother/Father God – God – the Light within – whatever label we want to give it – we will know and experience pain. We will know and experience wounding. When we awaken the Light within the wound is healed. Then we become an authentic living vessel for TRUTH and LOVE – and in embodying it we then become a torch bearer of truth and Love for others.
Now is the time to awaken to our divine potential and awaken our sacred contracts. We do not have to change – only to recognize who we are. It has been within us all along just waiting to be uncovered. In our forgetting though, it is not easy to remember that our present existence is a result of our past and these are the blocks to Love’s presence. But before we can get to that Truth and realization…..we experience what Love is through what love is not.
Many have little or no contact with family, friends or neighbours. Whether we are in romantic or intimate relationships, have partnerships at work, friends or living alone, everyone needs Love and connection of some kind. That includes the elderly, disabled, mentally ill, adopted, those who have no family – and anyone going through tough and challenging times.
June will be providing us with completion and realisations in many areas of our lives, this completion will be bringing all into alignment and clear the pathway of old energetic imprints and past life issues associated with betrayal, rejection, abandonment (physical and emotional), and not feeling loved – all of it perceived separation. Yet through healing these wounds they also provide us with opportunities to become more of who we are, be in service, and have more heartfelt authentic and real connections with others.
There is a big difference between aloneness and loneliness. Our loneliness and sense of not belonging is alleviated by our openness and willingness to connect. And the root cause of feelings of aloneness, disconnection and loneliness is our lack of connection with parts of ourselves. Until we turn within and focus on the divine partnership we have with ourselves, we are not aware of these underlying feelings as they play out in our unconscious mind – only to wreak havoc in our lives as we project our unhealed wounds onto others.
Pain is a part of life and if we resist it we are avoiding it. As we continue to align our lower mind and Higher Mind and balance the Heart, we move to another level of raising our vibration – by seeking out higher levels of authentic connection. However, we can only do this if we are able to connect with ourselves first and foremost. That means Self-care, self-approval, self-love, emotional intelligence, acknowledging our negativity and potential negative side (our shadow) as these are all necessary parts of ‘growing up’ spiritually and emotionally – because it is only through these loving acts of kindness to Self that we gain self-esteem and become spiritually and emotionally mature.
Echarte Tolle teaches us that we are never upset for the reason we think we are upset. Pain and suffering comes from unmet needs, but sometimes it is about setting boundaries, taking care of ourselves, or learning to say no without feeling bad. Relationships end and so do friendships – usually because we or others have not expressed what it is we need.
There are many reasons why we do not ask for what we want ranging from not deserving and all sorts of beliefs, but at the root of it most of us do not know what we want because we have never taken the time to find out exactly what we do need – we have abandoned ourselves. We can experience emotional abandonment when we are not connecting with another and not getting our needs met. It can also be experienced when our prime caretakers do not give us the emotional support in childhood for us to grow and survive.
All feelings and emotions have a purpose, yet rather than be the observer and feel the discomfort of them and find their message, we too easily give our power away by acting on them, or avoid them so we can feel better…until they are triggered again in another scenario or situation. So next time we might feel hurt, angry, frustrated, guilty, sad, fearful, depressed, humiliated or shamed…all what Love is not…perhaps it might help to consider that these may also be ways of showing us where we abandon ourselves for not being aware of our own needs. It is never about the other person, or what they are saying or doing – it is always about us and where we are not getting our needs met.
We might get mad at the kids, our spouse, our family, work colleagues or friends and judge them – but how many times do we ask them through controlling behaviour to take some action (don’t do that, stop doing this, pick that mess up) instead of asking for what we need or what we are longing for? How often do we feel bad or guilty because of lack of boundaries or fear of saying no? Or we may not ask for what we want for fear of rejection or someone else saying no, or perceive someone asking us questions as a threat and putting us on the spot. Most of the time through our own frustrations, fears and hurts we are most likely to withdraw our Love through manipulation, judgement of others, anger or by silence and withdrawal and respond in a way that leaves us feeling even more disconnected, not seen, and not heard.
If we feel taken for granted it may mean we have to ask for some help or co-operation – and take it when it is offered instead of saying no. We may want to feel more peace and harmony in our relationships or connections with friends, yet out of our own insecurities and fear of conflict we end up saying nothing, ignore the problem, or distance ourselves from the other. We don’t feel safe around them because we didn’t take responsibility and really deal with the issue to resolve the situation. But more importantly, it shows where we have closed our Heart – we had withdrawn our Love to the other person because we were unable to ask for what we needed.
So next time before we get upset with someone, are we willing to ask them for what we need? And if someone is upset with us, are we willing to ask them for what they need? Communication is the key. Before we go walking away blaming, or distancing ourself from a friend – or a relationship – we need to become aware and see that it is US that had not taken responsibility to stand in our truth.
Authentic Love and Connection
It’s easy to be friends with someone, have a relationship and connections when life is on a roll and we are filled with happiness and peace and want to be in the Love and Light” all the time. It is something else to have a friend or connection with others who share in our sadness and stay beside us even when things aren’t going well or we are challenged in some way. A true friend, partner or spiritual teacher will stab us in the front and tell us things we aren’t willing to see or hear.
There is also a higher purpose and order to spiritual groups and gatherings – that is of awakening to a greater consciousness. One of the main reasons a lot do not work and fall away is because they are held together by illusion and spiritual glamour (no judgement intended). At first, people feel safe and secure, they feel loved and that they belong, they feel comfortable in the loving energies and with the status quo…until the cracks start to appear.
If groups are just focused on being in the “Love and Light” and drifting off in meditation to higher realms to escape the reality of this one – that does not empower us to use our heart-centred Love for the greatest and highest good of all in the world. That is not awakening – it is narcissistic behaviour and another trick of the ego to get us to believe that we are awakened, when in truth what we are doing is deceiving ourselves by denying and avoiding the messy and challenging parts of awakening ourselves to a greater consciousness and all the challenges and obstacles that go with it. All relationships, friendships, spiritual connections with “like-minds” serve for us to become more aware of where our ego is playing out, and which separates us from Oneness and prevents us from giving and letting our loving presence spill out into the world. Yes, Awakening and transformation is challenging. It is also messy – and so many feel disconnected because they have become closed down and like to keep things just as they are – no matter how painful and uncomfortable it feels.
Authenticity is having a conscious connection to our own divine Heart and when we love wholeheartedly, we feel safe to face our fears. It also gives us permission to be real and who we are with ourselves and others – warts and all. A lot of our deepest fears are to do with connection with others and intimacy issues – that includes intimacy of self. The root cause of fear of intimacy is a fear of truly knowing ourselves – and lurking in the shadows of that fear is a lack of trust, fear of rejection, not feeling good enough, feeling judged, abandoned and inadequate. These fears cannot be got rid of for they are there to serve a purpose. They are there to teach us to grow – and to learn about Love.
Authentic connection now means we have to ask ourselves if we and others are communicating from a place of honesty, openness and transparency, and in Love and integrity. Can we be vulnerable, emotionally open and honest with others or are we being dishonest (with ourselves and others) and emotionally closed?
All connection with others has a purpose and holds a gift – it is to teach us about Love and learn about Love. Relationships, friendships and acquaintances teach us much about ourselves – provided we are willing to surrender and look within. If we want to express our own unique Love and gifts we have to give to others, it is necessary to stop protecting ourselves and hiding behind our masks. Only by facing our core fears of betrayal, rejection, abandonment, shame and inadequacy can we turn them into assets of strength, courage and wisdom.
As friendships and relationships continue to come under the spotlight – as too the one we have with our self (self love) – as we raise our vibration into authenticity we are now being given the opportunity to form deeper connections with other real, authentic people (if that’s what we want).
Loving Attention to Self
While the ego and Higher Mind seek balance, how relaxed and at peace do we feel in times of stress or overwhelm? Are we someone who keeps asking why or how and answers don’t seem forthcoming? Are we constantly over analyzing things or are we open and willing to be with uncomfortable feelings and emotions and just allow them to flow through us? Do we take time out of our busy day or chaotic life to be in stillness and practice the sacred breath? Do we have faith and believe that all is in Divine order and has a higher purpose – no matter how that order may show up and manifest itself in our lives?
We have emotions because they help us survive, but they also create havoc when we give them too much reign. Another reason we have emotions is that they help us build quality friendships, relationships and community – not based on judgement but on unconditional Love and acceptance where we are on our journey. As we turn loving attention to ourselves, create balance between our inner and outer state whereby we release beliefs that no longer serve us, in acknowledging our own wounds we take a huge leap forward.
When we remember our true nature (Love) and keep our connection with Love, we see Love and beauty in everything and everyone. The next level of vibration is to offer ourselves in service to Love.
At this level we are free from the strangling hold of the ego, for at this level we are so aware that we see the ego’s game of manipulation, power and control within us as it seeks to bring us back into a place of fear, pain and struggle. When we recognise the ego’s game we seek only that which serves to lift us higher. When we come from a place of authenticity we find our connections with others become more real – and our intuitive insights become more accurate.
Through much pain, tears and heartache in my life, it took me a while to recognise in-authenticity – both in myself and in others. The gift of illness for me was to listen, to really listen to my Heart, because to see who I am I had to shed everything – and continue to do on a daily basis all that is not authentically me. As I have learned to be authentic as I can possibly be in every given moment, it has also given me the gift to see straight through others and recognise those that are being authentic with me – and those who are not.
In facing illness the realization was that Love is all that matters and not to take the time I have or my loving connections with friends and family for granted. Too often we can say that we are too busy and don’t have time, yet all connections, at whatever level, require nurturing.
Lessons in Love
Most of us learn what Love is through what Love is not. I believe that many of us carry a fear of intimacy and the unhealed wounds of betrayal, abandonment and rejection – an unhealed masculine energetic which run deep and are a source of much anxiety and disconnection in our lives. I touched on these in the article on The Importance of Healing Our Core Wounds, but abandonment also triggers a potential threat to our fear of survival and the source of our primal fear – the fear of death. To know what Love is and become our truth, we are required to surrender our ego where we experience the death of our ego’s controlling ways. This is what is known as “dying before we die.” To become our truth we are required to feel the pain behind the masks we created to shield us from that pain.
The truth is no one betrays, rejects or abandons us – it is us doing it to ourselves through self betrayal, self rejection, and self abandonment. Our fears of abandonment (recognised and unrecognised) are cumulative and universal as they reach back into our long lost childhoods and beyond. The Core Wound of abandonment is made up of all our losses big and small, all our disappointments and let downs, all our uncertainties and disconnections – and all the fears we experienced from birth and past lives that we have either forgotten about or have become distorted by our memory of them.
The impact of this unrecognised and unhealed wound of abandonment is in many of us which lies deep and invisible and which has its own kind of grief. Underneath abandonment issues – which affect the limbic part of the brain, are held deep seated beliefs of not feeling good enough, feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness or that we are unloveable, deep shame, and a belief that we don’t matter. These can lead to self recrimination, self doubt and not deserving, procrastination and depression – and a fear of failing or being left behind.
In embracing and bringing the wound of abandonment into alignment and integration we heal our wounded inner child that craved love and attention but did not get its needs met. We do this not by deep processing and attaching to the emotions but giving love and attention to our inner child by acknowledging those times where we felt abandoned – then we can learn to overcome abandonments devastating self defeating and self sabotaging patterns which block us from our own creativity and keep us stuck, and which also prevent us from making authentic heartfelt connections with others. (A note here that abandonment issues can be deep seated and challenging so may require expert professional help).
Understanding the Value of Friendship and Connection
How we define friends, friendship or connection, or the quality of those connections is up to us. It appears that society in general ignores the importance of friendship and connection, yet they are vital for our well-being – particularly in difficult times.
Friends and relationships exist at many levels and they may come and go in our life for various reasons and that is to be expected. Over the past year though many of us have seen relationships end and friends leaving our lives as they chose to distance themselves from us, some of these ended abruptly with no explanation. That does not mean that the way they treated us is ok, it may help to know that the sting from the feelings of rejection and betrayal had a purpose. Friendships are as delicate as a crystal vase and need maintenance as well as trust and love – and whilst they may now be strangers with memories of the good times, there is nothing like the hurt of losing a valued friend. But the truth is we never lose friends – it teaches us to know who the true and authentic ones are.
Whilst we may have been on the receiving end of “them” doing it to “us” and having to go through a painful process of grieving the loss of friendship, if you have been questioning why or berating yourself for what you might have done wrong then do not despair as there was a higher purpose to all this heartache. The higher purpose to all this “clearing out” of relationships and friendships is that it was to shine a Light on what we and they had not aligned or integrated within.
Do we nurture, value and cherish friendships? Or do we take them for granted or discard them like a broken toy? Do we give our time and energy to those that just don’t care or value us, or do we not care about and not value those that give their time and energy to us? Our time and our Love is the most precious gift we can give anybody.
When we can understand the value of friendship and connection and what it means to us then it may help us to be aware and take responsibility for our deeds and actions and think twice about the way we treat people and how we deal with “moving on” or ending friendships.
People come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime – when we know which one it is we know exactly what to do. Yet what do we do when we need to end a friendship or connection?
Stand in our truth.
We are not obligated to continue with friendships and connections that no longer nurture or feed our soul, neither are we obligated to speak our truth. Standing in and speaking our truth is being able to express to another how we feel and without making excuses, explain our need to step away. Most female friendships end leaving one with no closure because the other lacked honesty. This too happened to me with two friends I held dear. And the lesson I learnt?
Never to misuse my time, trust, energy and Love.
Recognising Negative and Toxic Friendships and Connections
To proceed on a journey of awakening requires being aware of and looking at all our connections with people and the energies they bring. Being around negative people is one thing. Being around toxic people is another.
Negative people are complainers that wallow in their problems yet do nothing to find solutions. One way to protect our own boundaries is to ask the person how they intend to resolve their “problem” and find a solution.
Maintaining emotional distance requires awareness in every moment. If our buttons have been pushed then it requires awareness to what’s going on so we can respond rather than react.
Toxic people wear masks and can enter our lives as positive people and all “Love and Light”. It is easy to misinterpret their words and believing they have the same spiritual values, like minds and same Heart as ours. These people will meditate to access higher realms and talk about awakening but their own inner thoughts and insecurities keep them stuck in excuses and denial – they are always a victim. Lesson Learned?
Actions speak louder than words. We cannot move forward if there are energies holding us back or keeping us stuck.
Are you really ready for the next level of spiritual connection? If you are really committed to living your highest potential, whatever that potential might be for you, then we need to listen to Mother/Father God/Source/Intuition and take the necessary steps to move forward – even if that means eliminating some of the connections we have held onto or just tolerating. These are the connections we just allow to be there, even though they are not adding anything to our life.
All pain and suffering has a purpose, and all relationships, friendships and what appears insignificant chance meetings hold purpose and meaning too. They all provide us with wonderful opportunities for healing, growth and authentic connection. Deep down we all want to love and feel loved, to be fully seen, heard, valued, accepted and appreciated by others, yet if none of our connections feel meaningful or they don’t have any authentic meaning –then perhaps it’s time to let some people go and acknowledge others to come in.
Yes, it can be scary when we see these connections fall away, but when we are committed to deeper, more heartfelt meaningful connections we claim those connections by releasing what is no longer serving our highest good. Lesson Learned?
Follow the promptings when your Heart has been touched by Source and take action – trusting that all is in divine order.
We are never given more than we can handle, and if we can’t handle it it’s because we are in resistance to what is and haven’t released our control. When life seems chaotic, stressful and overwhelming it’s because we have not surrendered and let go.
There comes a point where we all have to make a choice to live in Love or fear. Love will allow us to see, hear and experience wonderful things. Love is what we are here for and what we are meant to experience – our job is to open our Hearts and minds to it.
True authentic friendships and connections are precious just like diamonds. We have friendships and connections for companionship, conversation and laughter – so do we cherish and value those that we do have because of their uniqueness?
Find time to reach out and unite with friends and community – we never know when life may strike a blow and we need those connections for support.
If this article has helped or inspired you in any way, please feel free to pass it on to someone in need, share it on your Facebook page, or consider posting a comment. Your comments, stories, experiences and wisdom are valued. In sharing, it gives others permission to feel vulnerable, feel valued, and reach out to others too.
In Love and Grace,