We have The Lion’s Gate Portal sandwiched between two Full Moons this month and a Venus retrograde until September 2023 that all have much to unveil. Intense, challenging and stormy is the only way I can describe the energy cycle of August with a desire to balance things, tie up loose ends, move on and move up.
Where are you continuing stories and patterns that began many, many years ago in your relationships yet are still influencing your present? What is the wound or “thing” that was not talked about and kept hidden? Are you willing to re-write your story when you see the truth?
What worth do you place on your skills and gifts? What patterns and dysfunctional behaviour do you have around Love and worthiness that may have even happened thirty five years ago and you are ready to witness and heal?
Love’s healing message from the Black Rose is this:
What relationships from the past do you need to re-visit?
Go deep. Go deep. You are on the threshold of a revelation.
A Shadow is surfacing…..
The Lion’s Gate on the 8th August sandwiched between two Full Moons is an energy of great change and anticipation, bringing in an influx of healing energy to cleanse our internal systems. The veils are thinning to get to the Heart of a matter so we can receive downloads for our destined path. There is a deep purging going on and I am not immune to it.
This Gate can open our soul chakra where we can channel information from a higher consciousness. To receive these light codes we are asked to re-visit some of the darker aspects of ourselves to integrate the light codes and receive the higher wisdom that can help ourselves and others in the future.
Thank you for opening this Love Letter. I put a lot of energy and passion into creating these Love letters, yet each and every one of them is always a labour of Love. This one is no exception. Is it long? Yes. If we want to find the root cause of something we have to put in the work.
Warning: It may be a difficult read for some so if you are triggered by some of its contents or it brings up painful things for you, read small bits or skip to the end. You may not relate to some of the contents so let it go. Even if you do, never minimize your own experience and the impact it had on you. I am sorry you had to experience this.
And a reminder I am sharing my own experience – I know it is meant for someone.
It is my lived experience and is not intended as a substitute for psychiatric treatment, holistic or psychological counselling or replacement of such. Always seek the help of a medical professional.
Loneliness and Social Isolation
I have been doing a lot of work on the Heart chakra since May and have been between the worlds with the Angelic realm and Ascended Masters with a desire for a deeper understanding and deep purging.
Following on from last month’s Love letter, as you may know Archangel Uriel has been my companion over the past few months with moving on and moving up and I have something profound to share if you just want to skip to the end.
In the meantime, I want to lift the lid on a pandemic wound that goes unrecognized and unhealed or doesn’t want to be talked about. Many share an underlying theme of chronic loneliness, isolation, disconnection, feeling left out and a lack of emotional connection as though something is missing and they don’t know why.
Some may say loneliness and isolation comes from our disconnection to the Divine. I self-disclose and share my own personal inner work to integrate myself that it may provide a map to serve and help others navigate the deeper, darker waters and have the courage to do the deeper journey themselves.
So the question is:
Who or what in your past altered your destiny?
What was the defining moment that changed your path?
How has the impact of it held you back?
Scapegoating and bypassing are no longer an option.
We are in a powerful Portal of Heart opening. Over the next eighteen months many are going to have to do this deeper work.
What is the energy, repeating and unhealed pattern that has lead you to where you are now and continues to play out sabotaging certain areas of your life?
Have you unhealed wounds or trauma perpetuating loneliness and disconnection that is holding you back?
Are you avoiding looking at or re-visiting past issues?
Is trauma or shame blocking your connection to others?
Our past informs our present. Sometimes we can be so caught up in our pain and struggle that we do not see the opportunities and blessings – or its purpose.
How can we use our emotions to inspire us to go towards what it is we want to experience?
For the past few months I have been in a deep reflection, receiving many revelations, undergoing a vibrational change, moving on and moving up, rebuilding myself and preparing for the deep unknown for what I want more of in my life and what is to come.
I have had to look at difficult aspects of myself and revisit them as they are still in my being on some level. I had to see and understand what role they had in my life so far and what role they will play in the future in the Light….
Looking at those darker aspects to integrate them, I have had such a heartfelt release of energy from an incident that happened over thirty five years ago. I carried that trauma, pain and shame for far too long and although I have worked on it in the past, at this Lion’s Gate I finally feel a deeper purifying of my Heart and soul.
Over the past few months I had been re-evaluating the relationships and unhealthy connections I have had throughout my life in general. I have felt a low grade sense of sadness, emptiness, isolation and a feeling of loneliness that although it has been magnified living with physical limitations, in truth it has permeated my whole life in one way or another.
We are sent many messengers and loneliness is one of them which does have a purpose.
When we are on a spiritual path there is no escape from loneliness. It does give us an opportunity though to reflect on our inner self and rediscover ourselves.
Facing my own “loneliness” through illness gave me an opportunity to be comfortable with and an acceptance of who I am. Another opportunity of loneliness was for me to create the healing Love Letters and write.
There are different types of loneliness and there is a big difference between being alone and lonely. I am alone and solitary but can still have lonely moments. We can have many friends or be in a marriage but still feel lonely. Social anxiety can lead to loneliness with worry at its roots.
In my own reflecting on relationships it showed me where I tolerated disrespect in all of them and not valuing myself enough to have stronger boundaries. I was too understanding and accepting of others behaviour and had allowed myself to be abused by others.
Yet there was still more to be revealed at a much deeper level.
I share here not so much about an experience that occurred….
but about how it held me back
I am of an older generation and some, like me, may have stumbled through life with little awareness of how our own unhealed wounds and trauma kept us in repeat patterns.
I am ok with living alone but have been aware for awhile a lack of truly meaningful connections and stimulating conversation.
Digging deeper into this sense of “loneliness and isolation”, even though in truth I am never alone, a consistent pattern and a horrifying realization started to emerge of how through guilt, shame and self blame I put myself out in the cold many, many years ago and kept me in a self imposed prison of loneliness.
I like many had put up with things for so many years in my marriage and relationships. There is no blame here, just revealing.
What adaptive behaviours did you make to survive and carried them forward in life that sabotage you and hold you back?
Where did you not shine your light or tell the truth for fear of repercussions?
It is time we looked at it all now….
When I was divorced in 1988 at the age of thirty four from an abusive cruel marriage, there was a stigma then around being a single parent.
I felt like an outsider, a loner, an outcast from a group I once belonged to (marriage) and felt left out in the cold. Married friends did not want to know me. Maybe they perceived me as a threat or were confronted with the reality that divorce could happen to them too.
The reason I had accepted abuse and cruelty, narcissistic behaviour and emotionally unavailable men all my life is that I accepted what “turned up” even though it was to the detriment of myself. I over compromised and was too understanding my entire life and allowed others to take advantage of me. I minimized the abuse and awful self blame….
The reality of it all was people treated me like crap because I thought bad, abusive behaviour was normal and this was all I deserved.
So what has all this to do with loneliness and isolation?
Well, a lot actually.
I had to process and heal this on my own.
A Defining Moment
A reminder that this was my lived experience at the time.
How naive and asleep was I! I did not have much awareness and shoved it in the past. Until at the age of forty nine when I had my own spiritual awakening which set me on a path of self awareness and self development where I had to look at it.
For years I like many of my generation covered up domestic violence and abusive behaviour in my marriage towards me and my children and made excuses for another’s bad behaviour to protect them.
Living with such a high level of distress, soon after the birth of my second son at twenty nine and to the detriment of my own health, I developed an obsession to germs with excessive, compulsive repeated cleaning and hand washing rituals. It was disabling. The serious emotional toll created a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. I could find no way out.
Creating a sterile environment was avoidance. My ego mind of survival was in overdrive. I was frightened. The compulsive behaviour was to relieve distress from a traumatic event that happened in the home. I kept “the event” hidden from others. I covered things up because of fear, guilt and shame. This is where my fear dwelled….yet the burden was not mine to carry.
I lived frozen in fear, loneliness and isolation. It felt safe to avoid others. I didn’t have to explain. At the time my obsession with germs and compulsion for constant hand washing was me trying to be in control of a life that was totally out of control and ruled by fear, distress and terror – whilst everything may have looked “normal” to those on the outside.
I was trying to “wash away” the feelings of guilt, disgust and self blame. My son had been “at risk” from three years old. I was responsible for allowing episodes of rough treatment and emotional abuse to my son to go on until one became the “last straw”. I could not subject my children to this any longer.
When I finally divorced I was a naive thirty four year old at the time who knew nothing about domestic abuse and the toll it takes. The internet had not been invented then. I had allowed myself and my sons to be the victims of domestic abuse from another’s cruel and abusive behaviour. My destiny and path changed because of a defining moment in time.
The Ugliness of Life
I felt alone and unprotected in the world as I had no family near me to help. In-laws had ostracised me and my children and I never told them the reasons for the divorce. I was scared. Maybe if I had my son’s lives would have been different too, in that they may have had a family support system that they have never had.
It was now a big and overwhelming responsibility to be the sole carer of two young children. With no-one to turn to or lean on in a time of great need, I learnt to accept there was no-one there to help me or meet my greater need for support and security. For awhile, I learnt to create my own world of perceived security and safety which did not involve others.
Seeking an exit from my own prison of loneliness and isolation, a year after divorce and through necessity, I sought out full time work that would provide me with a new start and a certain sense of financial security that was of a low income existence with cost crippling day care. I worked for Government services in an area involving abuse……
Feeling out in the cold behind a wall of pretence, I hid my feelings and never shared the reasons for divorce or what went on behind closed doors because the inner fear, loneliness, shame, self blame, embarrassment and isolation was too painful to talk about.
I was ashamed of what had gone on in my home life and what happened in my marriage and felt guilty in how I covered up another’s bad behaviour to protect them rather than me and my children. I never told anyone because I was fearful of the repercussions and what other people would think and do.
All my life I was good at making others comfortable and meeting their needs whilst resenting it. I didn’t value myself enough. I was looking after other people in my life instead of looking after me. This something that has been percolating did not happen suddenly, it had been built up over many, many years.
After my divorce I was good at building up brick walls and being a hermit in a cave to keep myself safe. I got used to being the outsider, the outcast and being left out and learnt to do things on my own as there was no-one to ask for help so I accepted it as being one of the curses of being divorced and had to do things by myself.
In doing so, my brick walls and cave not only kept others out…..
it kept me out in the cold too.
In later life I remember once my dad saying to me that he and mum were disappointed in me because I did not want to go to the grammar school. In those days, I passed my 11+ which was a way of academically sorting for grammar school. At the time I internalized that as me being a disappointment….I had also failed to keep a marriage and family together.
Five years ago I walked away from a family member who abused and invalidated me. I walked away with no regrets after a deep betrayal. This time, I knew my worth and my boundaries. It was better to retain my integrity and walk away with what I knew….
Because others could not face their own self hatred, they projected it onto me by trying to make me believe there was something wrong with me.
What is the root cause of your loneliness, isolation and disconnection?
What might you do to change your situation?
What action do you need to take?
Are you ready to receive the downloads of this Lion’s Gate to take action and move forward?
What if…we took a step back from these patterns and perceived beliefs we created to keep ourselves safe and had a new perspective?
What if…..the one thing you could not speak about or name left you lonely and out in the cold? And how and in what way has it held you back?
What if…we remind ourselves that we are not obligated to live up to another’s expectations?
What if….WE are not the disappointment and failure? The disappointment and failure lies in another’s shortcomings and lack of accountability.
What if…. nobody cast you out or left you out in the cold as a black sheep….YOU did it to yourself. YOU cast yourself out and left YOU out in the cold because of the brick walls you built around your own Heart to protect you to feel safe.
What if….nobody is punishing you for your perceived misdeeds….you continue to punish yourself.
What if…..avoiding looking at your loneliness and disconnection is holding you back and keeping you stuck in self sabotaging thoughts and behaviours?
What if, we have been judged by others (and ourselves), not for our unworthiness, failure and not being good enough….
BUT FOR OUR GREATNESS UNRECOGNIZED?
I came here to help, guide and serve – which I have to do for myself too.
Surviving prolonged isolation living with chronic illness, I continue to change those old patterns and create a life of true authentic unity, connection, collaboration and togetherness in what way I can as I move on and move up. I want to come in from the cold.
Having reflected on how the emotion of loneliness and isolation made me think, feel and do in the past, acknowledging the loneliness, sadness and isolation I was feeling recently, albeit temporarily, helped me to see where it came from and how it was created in the first place.
Loneliness is a red flag that it is trying to show us where our relationships and friendships are not adequate enough and where our needs to belong are not being met.
Loneliness is a red flag when we feel disconnected not only from others and the world, but to ourselves too.
In a world full of people loneliness can arise from a perceived lack of emotional support or social connections.
Loneliness is a red flag to show us where we need to take essential action.
Combating loneliness and isolation requires quietening the stories of the mind and doing things selflessly for others. It is also an opportunity for creative potential.
Life has taught me that no-one can relieve another from loneliness. It’s about accepting life as it is and AWAKENING TO PRESENCE.
In truth, I am not lonely. I create value for myself and for others through creating unconditional Love for myself and humanity. I am a work in progress by growing, moving on and moving up.
My soul’s purpose is calling me to do something different. So I am putting myself and my needs as a priority so I can further help and serve others.
URIEL and LUMINA
A friend of mine Alison Knox, recently came to see me with pieces of her recent artwork on ARCHANGEL URIEL “Peace in Chaos” and a new creation called LUMINA ANGEL which in my eyes is a Masterpiece!
These are more than just pieces of artwork. They hold the vibrational frequencies of Mighty Beings of Light with a beautiful channelled message she brings through.
Alison has given me permission to pass on their energy and light and share the photos and channelled messages with the proviso that as long as no one is printing anything off, mucking about with them, and claiming them or selling them. THESE ARE COPYRIGHTED AND PROTECTED.
Their energy and Light need passing on so if you would like to see the photos and channelled messages of Uriel and Lumina, to feel into them and receive their healing or feel what they bring up for you, please contact me and I will get them to you.
Lumina has the most stunning and exquisite pure energy. In Alison’s words, “Lumina is a revelator; shining light into the secret corners of our deepest hidden darkness”….I sensed there was no-coincidence she was brought forth on the 21st July, the day before Mary Magdalene’s Feast Day.
So there was Uriel sitting on my mantle piece looking so small in the presence of Lumina. Later in the evening after my friend had gone, whether it was the lighting in the room I don’t know. As I got up from my chair and moved closer to him he appeared to be but a shadow of his former self and his image appeared “misty and distant”, like his light had dimmed.
I noticed when he was sitting on my mantle piece and Lumina a few feet away, he looked small as if he was holding himself back….and when I held Lumina in my hands I felt emotional. From my perspective I felt and recognized the energies she is carrying and what she was showing me.
From a personal perspective, what Uriel was showing me was a mirror of my own life experience and the journey from chaos to peace. How my light had become dimmed and I became a shadow of my former self, misty, distant and invisible through my challenges of illness, yet despite physical limitations, still working silently, invisibly, in the background.
My friend’s Masterpiece of LUMINA has touched my Heart and Soul so very deeply within the recesses of my consciousness with Her multidimensional layers and message. She too was a mirror for me of where I have been and who I have become….and that brought tears to my eyes.
Through my own deep inner work of “shining light into the secret corners of our deepest hidden darkness, illuminating the unbearably painful, the intensely destructive and rawest aspects of life: where fear dwells”…..
LUMINA in my experience was a mirror, she was a reflection of who I was becoming and how by doing the inner work and finding the many gifts and blessings of shadow work that when embraced and integrated, a softer light emerges.
I sense she is here to empower. Those wings of Hers hold great healing – particularly for women. I sense she holds up a mirror of the Divine Feminine Fire held within many women as they struggle and yearn to find their creativity and express themselves.
In the meantime, if you would like to see more of Alison’s work you can view her website Everyday Angels
A Book Publishing
It is with immense appreciation and gratitude to my friend Anne (and her husband!) to share her recent creative work with you all. With their technical support they helped me on my journey to publish my Black Rose Oracle cards in 2020.
Anne Race is an Animal Healer and communicator and has just recently published a book Distant Animal Healing: helping animals from afar and the spiritual lessons they teach us….it is available now on Amazon. Her website can be viewed here
If this Love letter has touched you in some way please feel free to post a comment or help share the message by using the link above.
Created with Love, Grace and in Service,
May the Love Letters Inspire, Comfort and Support you in times of need.