In the current troubled climate we live in, inside and out, the Solar New Moon Eclipse on the 19/20th April in Aries certainly made its presence felt manifesting as anger and frustration for some or warrior energy! As National Honesty Day approaches on the 30th April, we can now focus on telling the truth to ourselves and others with direct and honest communication.
This Love letter is long and is not for everyone. If you think these Love letters are “intellectual information”, or you focus on another’s behaviour rather than on your own emotional healing which these are intended for, then they are not for you. Keep an open mind and read slowly. They are intended for self reflection and self inquiry to inspire and empower.
So if you are struggling to make sense of your feelings of anger, fear or frustration in this current climate, or any feelings for that matter, wanting to pinpoint why you feel that way and don’t know why, trying to understand the hidden messages within them, or curious to see the deeper levels of healing to be discovered, read on…..
So Love’s healing message this month is this:
Look beyond the message – the gift is to receive the hidden treasures stored in secret places
Taking back our power in chaotic times when we have given it away or feel powerless to control things can feel challenging energetically, emotionally and spiritually.
When we can see what is visible beyond our outward or inward expression of an emotion and can tap into the unseen realms of Truth, we can receive their wisdom and move forward into a place of peace, calm and resolution.
The mind and the ego are good at running riot if we allow them to but if we want to get to the root of a feeling or emotion we can ask ourselves:
What is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed?
DISCLAIMER: I am not a practicing therapist and the content in this Love letter is for awareness only. If you are someone who has serious emotional issues that are too powerful or frightening to look at, then read no further and seek the help of a trained and currently licensed, compassionate professional whose more appropriate than what you may read here.
Emotions are not good or bad as we have been conditioned to believe, they are ENERGY. They hold a hidden message. And anger always wants to tell a “story”……
The thing about anger is it is never an isolated emotion. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes up for us when another emotion has been triggered.
I had to dive deep into as an example of an “unwelcome guest”, when an emotion reared its ugly head emerging from the shadows as a portal to a new awareness.
The denser parts of ourselves that are trapped in limiting beliefs or trauma are going to be coming to the surface because they cannot come with us to the higher vibrations and next level of evolution.
Oftentimes when we feel hurt and angry and cannot identify why, it can be a red flag to show us that it may be an old traumatic event or memory that has been triggered.
We need to stop projecting and take personal responsibility for our own emotional healing rather than fixating on another’s behaviour!
IT IS NEVER ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.
It all begins with YOU
Firstly, I NEED TO MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR. From a physical perspective, although I live with chronic conditions I am not sick or in need of healing. I have nothing to fix as nothing is broken. The truth is I am living with symptoms.
I am just someone who wants to share the knowledge and wisdom I have gained with my own emotional healing through acknowledging, processing and integrating my own life experiences which caused me pain so I can give something back to the community and in service to others.
I mean that not in a “holier than thou” sort of way for we all give back to our community and in service to others in our own way. Writing these Love letters is my way because first and foremost it honours my Heart, my way of being and my own well-being.
The healing messages from the Black Rose are timeless and no matter when they were written, they can be worked with at any time.
So whether we are triggered by what we read, what someone has said, or what we have seen, it’s a sure sign there is an unhealed, unacknowledged wound or trauma coming to the surface for attention.
THE GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Rumi’s poem has a deep truth for me. Back in those early days when I asked who am I and trying to see beyond the conditioning, programming, distorted beliefs, patterns of learned behaviour and heart’s wounding, little did I know what would reveal itself.
Yet still there is more…..
The Mask of Anger
Those who are trying their very best to heal from things that are unspeakable or that they do not discuss, I want you to know I see you and honour your silent suffering.
Anger is a mask that serves to protect us when we feel threatened in some way. Our job is to find what is hiding behind it. Karla Mclaren in her book The Language of Emotions says anger is about protection and where our boundaries have been violated.
Anger being a secondary emotion often masks feelings that can include fear, helplessness, vulnerability, worry, anxiety, guilt, shame, powerlessness, hurt, depression, frustration, grief, rejection.
Often we attribute anger to something or someone outside of us rather than to our fears and vulnerabilities. What I have learnt is that anger and frustration are excellent red flags of our true selves wanting be heard.
If we can recognise what they are trying to tell us instead of avoiding and spiritually by-passing them, we hopefully come to a place of self knowledge, a control of self and a sense of peace and calm that we may never have thought possible. From there we can move into enlightened action.
“I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved.” – Universe
There are some advantages to me living on my own. It means I can vocally express emotions in ways that are acceptable in my house which were not acceptable as a child.
Knowing that internalizing anger or stress can create inflammation and illness, I had to get to the root of what had triggered me.
WARNING ALERT: I am about to share a very personal story and some inner work I recently completed. Why would I do that?
Because I have the courage to be vulnerable and even in the face of being judged, criticised or cancelled, sometimes when I ask someone why they are angry they do not know and do not know where to start.
More than ever now we are in a time that is in a desperate need for:
EMOTIONAL HEALING and EMOTIONAL MASTERY
Taking responsibility and controlling our painful thoughts, feelings and emotions is imperative. Not only do they disrupt the present moment if we allow them too, the negative reaction from them can cause havoc – to ourselves and others.
Here is an example of where I was getting a clear signal that something was out of balance and needed my full attention, Love and care to get to the root cause – without spiritually bypassing and focusing on positive thoughts.
It is my belief that you cannot “let something go” until you know what the something is. Through emotional healing we are no longer controlled by our thoughts, feelings and actions to a painful experience.
So I am sharing this very personal story as an example to how I was triggered and which I gave voice to (for a while) until I was ready to take responsibility for what was ailing me and transmute the toxic poison I had been spewing…..
A Trauma needs to be Healed and Transmuted
I am sharing my ego’s story as a guide map if it may help those who want to take responsibility and turn inwards instead of projecting their anger onto others and don’t know why.
We all have our own triggers and anger arises because of how we interpreted or reacted to something.
So a starting point for me was asking the questions, what exactly am I hurt or offended by? What underlying problem needs to be addressed?
There most certainly was an underlying problem I needed to address!
Some time ago I had been blindsided by a diagnosis and had been in a state of overwhelm and resistance, judging a situation and certain people.
My mind had become a bit too active and I allowed my narcissistic ego to become activated, which pulled me away from my connection to Higher Truth and Wisdom.
I knew something was trying to get my attention not only by the way I over reacted but because I knew deep down this was happening for me.
So the “story” went something like this…..
I was recently observing the UK news and the controversy regarding the junior doctors five day strike because they feel “overworked and undervalued”. They were there on a picket line, wearing orange clothing, smiling and waving banners, wanting more money.
Then I took a closer look as one read, “Don’t want to pay? We’ll move away” – with a flag painted on the bottom of what to me looked like Australia….
My body then felt this intense energy rising within it. Instead of letting it flow through me, I got enmeshed in a story (with a few expletive words!).
Wow. What an outburst. So unlike me. Here was I judging, criticising and belittling a situation.
I knew I had got something to acknowledge and transmute because of my reaction but at this point I did not know what it was. I then had to ask, why was I being so triggered by this doctor’s strike?
I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so angry – until I realised I was being given the outward evidence of an unhealed and unacknowledged trauma inside of me.
I was not going to spiritually bypass this one!
I asked myself, what underlying problem needs to be addressed? It was soon revealed to me of a traumatic health procedure and a memory that had been triggered and re-activated the year before.
I am the Doctor you are the Patient
The anger was masking the fear and vulnerability underneath a health concern of being given another life threatening diagnosis that had been delivered in a brutal and cruel way that caused me a great deal of emotional distress.
My trust had been undermined and I no longer felt safe. I was frozen by shock and the fear of an invasive procedure, let alone the thought of major surgery.
In seeing the doctors on a picket line, my emotional brain had remembered the traumatic consultation I had with a doctor and the problems of what followed afterwards. It had triggered those emotions that were unprocessed from it.
When the anger was acknowledged, the secondary emotions of fear, vulnerability and health anxiety started to reveal themselves one by one.
What I had done without realising it was that I had moved straight to anger and projected my feelings of anger onto the doctors on the picket line to avoid looking at my feelings of fear, health anxiety, and mistrust.
My core values of open communication, empathy, trust and faith had been compromised during a consultation and diagnosis.
Whilst I understand the increased pressure doctors are under, I felt the manner and quality of information delivered ultimately affected the doctor patient relationship – for me. I was feeling panicky and distressed.
The consultation may have had a different outcome if an effort to create a patient-centred interaction to establish trust and regard for me, the patient, not in only how the news was delivered, but my thoughts and concerns being taken into consideration and fully addressed before leaving.
Whether unintentional or not, or through haste or lack of care, a profound lack of empathy was evident when I was experiencing a strong emotion and displaying emotional distress due to a past, excruciatingly painful medical procedure. My father had also died from open heart surgery.
The experience not only created for me a failure of regard to me as a patient and human being, I felt left up in the air and abandoned to suffer alone without my emotions being fully addressed before I was “dismissed”. Without realising or being aware of it, health anxiety was born.
Why have I shared such a personal story?
Because when we take responsibility for our feelings and emotions and want to understand the message and gift they offer instead of spiritually bypassing them, something profound happens.
It unlocks the trauma or wounding so we can transmute it into a higher energy.
There was purpose and meaning in that experience and it offered me a profound opportunity for a deeper understanding and healing.
I received the gift beyond the message….
Anger was the message that my Heart had been heavy and weighed down with something unresolved.
The thing about anger is it is a protective energy and shows us “injustices” or where our boundaries are weak and have been violated.
I then realised.
The energy of anger was trying to prevent me from internalizing the seed of enslaved fear that had been projected onto me -”if you don’t have an operation soon it will be too late”….
When that seed of fear was implanted into my brain and I believed it, I then realised it had set in motion a cycle of health anxiety that I had not experienced or been aware of before.
I can be grateful for anger coming to reveal health anxiety within me too. It had been sent as a guide from beyond to find the root cause and challenge the illness-related thoughts and past repetitive behaviours I had reverted back as a survival mechanism that had stolen my peace and time.
I eventually got to the root of the problem.
My health anxiety was caused by a fear of more medical appointments, invasive and intrusive tests, major surgery and being given medication that was not tolerated. At a time when I am already physically challenged and the fear that I would never be able to cope with my other difficult to manage conditions (I know my body), for a while it became too much.
My body was using health anxiety to learn the lessons it needed. Whether I worry or not, once I acknowledged the shock, enslaved fear, vulnerability and anxiety I can create a new perspective:
“Increased worry doesn’t prevent the worst from happening, it only prevents the best from manifesting” – Dennis Simsek
I can tell that inner guard of mine, my immune system and the ego that are constantly on alert to identify the threat in all things even when there are none, to step down and take a break.
Being in constant survival mode and focusing on things we cannot control is exhausting.
My journey with chronic illness for the past thirteen years has been one of coping and adjustment, developing awareness of emotional reactions and to still find purpose and meaning in life even in the simplest of things.
I am grateful for this recent experience, the unwelcome guest and for the part the doctor played to bring it to the surface.
Not only has it further strengthened my resilience in the face of serious life challenges, but for the recognition, growth, awareness, healing and reframing of a pattern that has come from it.
That’s what emotional healing does if we are serious about it
Whist I am in mental and emotional neutrality around my other health conditions, anger has shown me through this stressful event that my security had been shattered and that health anxiety itself is about creating new relationships – with doctors, my own body and mind and most importantly, building a new relationship and friendship with fear.
So as we approach the Lunar Eclipse on May 5th, let us honour our Hearts and listen to what those unwelcome guests are trying to tell us, knowing that with patience, they will reveal their hidden treasures.
If you have received any value or insights from this Love letter or know someone you care about who is struggling, please feel free to post a comment or share it.
In Love, Grace and Service,